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Centerfold :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 1 0
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Seeing Green, Painting Red Chapter 4-5 :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 0 0
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Seeing Green, Painting Red Chapters 2-3 :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 0 0
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Seeing Green, Painting Red :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 0 0
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The Season of Giving and Taking :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 0 0
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Murderous Halloween Clowns :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 1 0
A Light in the Darkness
At night I walk my dog along the path following the creek that ran through the edge of town. There isn't exactly a trail along the creek, just a well-worn path in the grass where many over the years had walked. There are no lights along here, though the illumination from the streetlights tried to reach desperately toward the path. The only real light on this path comes from the moon. The moon's light dances on the water lighting the way for me and Phoebes, my golden retriever. Tonight as the two of us walked along the path, the cool breeze washed over us and I was glad that I had brought my leather jacket with me and wore a scarf. I pulled the scarf up over my nose and blew, the hot air from my breath giving a temporary reprieve from the chill on my nose. Today was October first and as if the changing of the date had signaled the beginning of fall; the air had turned crisp and cool with a hint of rain. There was just enough moisture in the air to cause a light fog on the water. I smile
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Hot, Hot, Summerdays :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 0 0
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Going Out For Coffee :iconmadlovejokerandharls:MadloveJokerandHarls 1 0


villains by Nogicu villains :iconnogicu:Nogicu 33 11 Joker making fun of Batsy (work progress GIF) by TysKaS Joker making fun of Batsy (work progress GIF) :icontyskas:TysKaS 10 3 Making fun of the Bat by TysKaS Making fun of the Bat :icontyskas:TysKaS 23 7 Quinn by wizyakuza Quinn :iconwizyakuza:wizyakuza 301 3 Joker MS paint by wizyakuza Joker MS paint :iconwizyakuza:wizyakuza 664 22 Joker Here! by PartyBombGirl Joker Here! :iconpartybombgirl:PartyBombGirl 4 0 Here's My Card by PartyBombGirl Here's My Card :iconpartybombgirl:PartyBombGirl 5 0 junkrat by shimyrk junkrat :iconshimyrk:shimyrk 4 0 junkrat by shimyrk junkrat :iconshimyrk:shimyrk 4 0 JOKER by PrincessTigerLili JOKER :iconprincesstigerlili:PrincessTigerLili 1,110 244 Joker Painting by Aquila--Audax Joker Painting :iconaquila--audax:Aquila--Audax 164 38 Joker by punk-rock-hero Joker :iconpunk-rock-hero:punk-rock-hero 44 9 Joker for Daily sketch by kerko Joker for Daily sketch :iconkerko:kerko 450 28 Joker by KamuiHAX Joker :iconkamuihax:KamuiHAX 108 10 Batman and Joker by Ferigato Batman and Joker :iconferigato:Ferigato 386 31 Joker by Nenema Joker :iconnenema:Nenema 86 24



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The rain had just started to fall that evening when Joey left from his hotel room for the photography session in Gotham. He had received the inquiry through his website, an offer of a lot of money to come to Gotham from Metropolis, and shoot pictures for a pin-up calender that was the be a Valentine gift for a significant other. The author of the email had asked if two-and-a-half weeks before Valentine's Day was enough time for photos to be taken and a calender to be put together, and had offered a LOT of money to make the calender happen. It was enough money that Joey had responded yes immediately. He had done private sessions like this in the past and they were usually a lot of fun, not just because he was able to see lovely women doing traditional cheesecake poses in front of his camera (and granted, that was a big plus), Joey liked all women, no matter the size and he liked seeing all women semi-nude, in lingerie or naked. These sorts of pictures were fun for him, but he also liked doing these sorts of sessions because it gave him a chance to practice his craft of photography.

He loved photographing beauty. The only thing that had given him pause about this particular deal was the secrecy on the end of the client. They had only given him their last name, Kerr, an address and instructions that he wasn't to tell anyone what he was doing. (Joey simply figured it was because this woman was well known in Gotham and didn't want anyone to know what she was doing...a nude calender might get her husband/boyfriend/secret lover in trouble) He was to meet a bald man named Bob who would take him to the location. All a little weird, but really nothing too unusual. He had received over the years of doing these independent projects some interesting, and some bizarre, requests.

The address had ended up being in an old boarded up Chinese restaurant called Uncle Egg Shen's Chinese Food and Entertainment, emblazoned in a now dead neon sign standing over the top of the building. Joey parked across the street, turned off the vehicle, and stared at the boarded up restaurant.

As Joey looked up, he figured more must have been spent on that sign than on the building itself.

At first Joey thought that he might have been pranked. He sat in the car looking at the old boarded up restaurant, thinking he would drive away after sitting there for five minutes, when the sign above the restaurant lit up; the red, blue and green lights reflected off the damp pavement. A moment later the door (which had looked to be boarded up) opened and a large, bald man wearing a flower wreath on his head, dressed in a bright blue t-shirt, black sweat pants, blue sneakers and a baby blue colored tutu that seemed to have sparkles all over it that caught the light from the neon sign, and made the big man twinkle as he walked. Joey watched him with a quizzical expression as the big man opened up an umbrella, not just a regular, plain colored umbrella. No, this one was white with bright red balloons meandering across its surface.

The man stood there for a moment letting the rain, which was coming down in a drizzle at the moment, fall down on him. He looked around, then seemed to spy Joey and his car parked across the street. The big man looked both ways and hurried, trotting across the street right for Joey. Joey watched the man move across the street toward his car. As the tutu wearing fellow came closer, Joey hit the locks. The bald man halted next to the car and just stared down at Joey from under the umbrella and the neon lights. Just when the silence was becoming creepy (creepier than it already was, Joey thought), the bald man reached out and knocked against the driver's window. Joey thought seriously about starting the engine and taking off...but he was being offered a lot of money...and he had been told to expect a bald guy. So maybe these pictures were going to be themed...that's why the restaurant and the tutu guy?

Joey swallowed, took a breath, and opened the door. The big guy stepped backwards out of the way, then once Joey was standing outside in the rain, the big man motioned him to follow. Joey looked back at his car.

“Uh...I have some equipment I need to get out of the trunk.”

The bald man walked over to the trunk and waited. Joey shrugged and walked over unlocking the trunk. Together, the two men carried in all of Joey's equipment. As they walked into the restaurant, lights inside came on. The inside to the restaurant was in surprisingly good shape. From the condition of the outside, Joey would have guessed that the interior was barely hanging on, but it was actually quite nice. The walls were painted a deep red, faded, but still lovely with a high ceiling that the photographer realized was very deceptive. Ffrom the outside you couldn't tell that there was a ceiling like a church, gold pillars throughout the large open space along with a three tier crystal chandelier that dominated the middle of the ceiling. Along one of the back walls there were gold dragons painted across the red that looked to be chasing each other through wispy gold clouds. The floor was also painted red and gold with intricate Chinese geometric patterns.

The bald man took him to the center of the restaurant that was cleaned of any debris. Sitting there was a box with a white sheet thrown over it, perfect for posing. He set the equipment he had been carrying for Joey down carefully and then pointed.

Joey frowned turning to look at the man. “So I should set up here?”

The bald man nodded then turned and walked away, heading through a pair of double doors that Joey assumed led to the kitchen. He frowned, then shrugged. Maybe the lady in question was a mistress and really didn't want to be caught doing a nude or semi-nude photo shoot? Or maybe she liked Chinese restaurants; either way Joey went about setting up his equipment.

It only took him a little while to set up, having done this sort of picture shoot more times than he could count, when he heard the sound of the swinging doors from the kitchen followed by someone calling out behind him.

“All right Mr. DeMille! I'm ready for my close-up!”

Joey turned around and went very still, like a deer in headlights or looking down the barrel of a gun as all the color drained from his face. Standing there in the doorway, wearing nothing but a purple thong and a sheer purple feather-trimmed robe, was the Joker, Gotham's Crown Prince of Crime.

Joker grinned and walked across the floor just like Gloria Swanson from Sunset Boulevard except for the wide grin on his face. And Gloria Swanson had not murdered who knew how many people.

Joey swallowed. He didn't move. He wasn't really sure what he should Scream? Or do the job he was being paid for?

Joker walked up to Joey, all smiles. “Hello my darling. You must be Joey Shuman, photographer for the Daily Planet and part-time freelance photographer.”

Joey nodded. “Ahh...yes...yes I'm Joey.”

Joker grinned brightly. “Wonderful, wonderful.” He dropped his arm around Joey's shoulder. “Now Joey my friend, I brought you here because Valentine's Day is coming up and I wanted to give my girl something special for the holiday.”

“Your girl? You have a girlfriend?” Joey couldn't stop himself from asking the question.

Joker continued to grin, though the humor in his eyes died just a little as he narrowed his gaze at Joey. “I do have a girlfriend Joey my dear, and I want to give her something special for Valentine's Day. And what could be more special than a calender of me!” Joker giggled glancing over to the big bald man who had come back through the kitchen doors, now accompanied by another man, tall, short hair, wearing a suit and looking dangerous...especially after he folded his arms across his chest and Joey saw the gun clearly in his hand. Joker motioned at the two men. “Right Bob? Frost?”

Frost nodded, all business. “Yes Boss.”

The man named Bob just smiled broadly and nodded with enthusiasm.

Joey smiled nervously at Joker. “Ah, so...what did you have in mind?”

Joker giggled with delight. “Well my dear, we are going to create a pin-up calender for my girl!”

Joey paled even more. His evening of photographing some nude woman had now turned into photographing a nude Joker. He wondered if he was going to walk out of here alive. As if reading his mind Joker purred. “Now, you behave yourself, do your job—and do it well—you get to go home! Displease me, take a bad photo or make me feel like you are making sexual advances on me...” Here Joker giggled and tittered like a young girl. “Then I kill you. Okay? Got it? Let's do this thing!!”

Joker threw his hands in the air with a shout that had Joey jumping into the air.

“I'm off to dress! You boys keep Joey here entertained while I slip into something more comfortable! HAHAHA!!” Joker walked by the two large men into the kitchen. Joey stood there staring after the Joker then looked at the two men.

The one named Frost smiled. “Just take the pictures, do a good job and keep the Boss happy. Easy.”

“Oh...oh...okay.” Joey smiled uncertainly, feeling slightly ill.

A few minutes later Joker came out still in the robe and thong, but this time with a garter belt on and sheer purple hose along with a pair of purple and white men's pointed toe oxford shoes and nothing else. Joker laughed. “Okay! January!!”

Joey focused solely on taking the pictures to the best of his ability. He took the same number he would for any client, adjusting the lighting as Joker did a series of cheesecake poses, but the January photo ended up being Joker on his knees, arching his back with a sucker in his mouth and grinning.

Next Joker came out wearing a bright red bow around his hips covering up his assets—just barely—and a big smile...and nothing else. Joey swallowed. This was so weird he thought. Bob lugged out two giant plastic clowns that looked to have been part of a used car lot or something, and set them on either side of Joker while the clown struck a pose. This time Joker had his arms draped across the plastic clowns, his hips cocked seductively with a big grin on his crimson lips.

Next came the month of March, and Joker strutted out wearing a pair of purple and gold long basketball shorts, under which he had on a pair of black leggings printed with the Batman symbol and a pair of dusty purple combat boots. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only a long white coat with a fake white fur collar and more white fur around the end of the sleeves. He wore a large gold chain around his neck with a huge letter “J” covered in diamonds, along with a shorter, thicker gold chain that rested against his bare chest just above the longer chain. On each of his fingers he had a thick, heavy gold ring, or gold and diamond ring and he had his purple and gold cane with him, topped off with a pair of mirrored sunglasses sitting on the edge of his long nose. His hair was slicked back instead of the mostly unruly curls that up to this point had been struggling to stay combed back. Joey thought that the mad clown looked slicker and maybe slightly more menacing.

Joker grinned brightly. “What's up my bitches!”

Joey pressed his lips together on an actual laugh.

They took several pictures before Joker jumped up all giggles. “Okay, this next one is extra special Joey my dear, because it's Harley's birthday month! So I have an extra special pose in mind for that one!! Frost! Get the bear skin rug!”

Joey turned, his mouth hanging open, breaking out into a nervous sweat as he whispered to himself. “Bear skin rug?”

Joker disappeared into the kitchen following Frost while Bob smiled at Joey. A few seconds later Frost came out carrying a large brown rug over his shoulder and a two-liter of grape soda. Joey looked confused as he watched Frost spread out the rug, set down the two-liter, then disappear again, only to return with a champagne glass which he filled with the purple liquid. Once that was done, the three of them waited until the Joker returned wearing the sheer purple feathered robe again. He walked over to the rug, holding the robe closed around his crotch. “Okay my darling Joey, this one is special. April is my pumpkin's birthday month, so we are going to do a replica of the Playgirl Burt Reynolds photo!!”

With that the Joker whipped off his robe to be standing there naked in all his pale, white glory.

Joey whimpered and fought to keep a neutral expression on his face. “I'm so dead.”

Joker giggled and laid down on the rug, duplicating the famous Burt Reynold's pose, one leg bent, adding his own touch to the pose with the hand holding the champagne glass of grape soda held just so between his legs while Joker rested his head against the palm of his other hand, a green lock of hair managing to fall seductively over his forehead. Joker smiled brightly, clearly pleased with himself. Frost stepped over, holding a white plastic ashtray and pulled out a cigarette from his jacket pocket. He crouched down to put the cigarette between Joker's lips, then the tall man pulled out a lighter from inside his suit jacket and lit the cigarette. Joker grinned like a schoolboy speaking around the cigarette he held in his teeth. “Okay, Joey boy! Take the pic!!”

Joey blinked. It wasn't that the Joker was built badly, the man actually wasn't. He was muscled, but in the thin sort of way, like a runner or professional competitive biker. With as much clinical detachment as he could muster, Joey noticed that the Joker had a great many scars on his pale skin and he certain places, the only hair being the thick green mop on the man's head and the man was...hung... but Joey was pretty sure he wasn't going to see the Joker's junk and live to tell anyone. Joey nodded and swallowed uncomfortably, taking several pictures.

Joker jumped up and then downed the grape soda in one swallow. “Damn, I'm shrinking!” he yelled with a giggle, grabbing up his sheer robe and rushing into the back of the restaurant again. Frost came over and quietly removed the rug and soda bottle.

Next came Joker dressed as a cowboy wearing a thong, ass-less chaps and a cowboy hat in purple, next a bathing suit picture which was Joker in another thong, just that this one was purple with green polkadots. Next came a wedding pose with a black tux jacket, black thong, sock garters, and black dress shoes and a matching top hat and white gloves. He cocked his hip posing with the hat in front of his chest with a coy smile.

“Okay, this next one is great!” Joker waved his hands in excitement. “On to the next!! We have twelve months to fill up!” Joker giggled excitedly. “Oh Harley is going to love this, don't you think Frost?”

Frost smiled with a slight chuckle. “Yes Boss, I really think she is going to love this.”

Joker grinned with happy excitement, completely enjoying himself. “Bob! Get the bike!” Joker gestured wildly with one hand, pointing his finger into the air before he ran off, disappearing between the double doors to the restaurant kitchen.

Bob left the room with a little dance in his step and waved at Joey.

Joey stood there, still feeling numb. He glanced over to Frost; the well dressed man smiled at him, his hands folded in front of him, the pistol still plainly visible. Joey muttered under his breath. “Please let me live, please let me live.”

Bob headed out the front door of the restaurant. A couple of minutes later he returned walking a Harley Davidson motorcycle, a 2013 Softail fatboy Lo in excellent condition by the looks of it. Joey frowned in surprise. He had done a few shoots involving motorcycles in the past and hoped that he would live to perhaps buy a motorcycle like he had often imagined doing.

Bob pushed the motorcycle over to the center of where Joey had been taking pictures of Joker and positioned the bike right in the middle. Joey, now having seen more of the Joker than he ever thought imaginable, knew exactly where this shot was going...

That was when Joker bounced out of the back room dressed in a pair of boxer's shorts, purple of course, wearing a pair of biker boots. “Okay baby! Let's go!”

Joker danced over to the bike singing loudly. “The wonderful thing about Jokers are Jokers are wonderful things! Their tops are made out of rubber! Their bottoms are made out of springs! About the most wonderful thing about Jokers is I'm the only one!”

Joey blinked. Was that the Tigger song? It was the Tigger song. Joey began to wonder if these three had somehow slipped him something because this whole experience was surreal.

“All right Joey darling, tell me what you think of this pose?” Joker draped his body over the bike with a wide grin. “Seductive enough? I want Harley to see this picture and throw her clothes off and jump me like a piece of meat!” He giggled with pleasure at the thought of Harley attacking him.

Joey swallowed glancing back at Frost and Bob. Frost smiled and adjusted his grip on the gun.

“Oh yes sir, Joker sir, your girl is going to be hot for you.”

Joker wiggled with glee. “Just what I want!”

Joker grinned showing off his white teeth, lounging on the bike where he giggled. “Paint me like one of your French girls!”

Bob, standing by Frost, giggled silently.

After these pictures were taken, Bob removed the bike and Joker went to change again.

Within a few minutes Joker returned from the back in a just his purple trenchcoat...and nothing else. He grinned wide standing in the doorway. “I'm ready, strut my stuff!”

He hurried over to the camera and struck his pose while he chuckled, holding the coat just over his groin. “Okay, ready Joey?”

With a big grin, Joker posed, arching his back just a little, one hand held the coat in place over his groin, while he threw his other arm out behind him, letting the coat fall away to reveal the side of his naked torso, buttock and leg. “TADA!” He announced. “Get my good side here Joey! Harley likes my ass!”

Joey squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he adjusted the camera lens. “Of course Joker sir.”

For Halloween, Joker came jumping out from the back, which caused the bald man named Bob to jump a inch into the air, dressed in what could only be called a “sexy” Batman outfit.

Joker, laughing merrily at himself, was wearing a pair of tiny black speedos, emblazoned with the Batman sign on the crotch wearing a replica Batman helmet along with the cape and boots. Joker came running into the room from the back, holding the cape up to the sides so that the cloth fluttered behind him as he ran through the doors from the back only stopping when he was in the center of the photo area where he whipped the cape back, put his long fingers hands on his thin hips and yelled in a deep over-the-top masculine voice. “I AM THE NIGHT! I AM BATMAN!!”

Frost and Bob both burst out laughing (though Bob was completely silent, the tears running down his cheeks and the way he physically dropped his hands to his knees, bobbing his head, illustrated how funny he found his Boss.)

Joker grinned twisting back and forth as he continued in the same deep voice. “I am the most annoying vigilante who likes to ruin the Joker's fun all the time! Smiling? What is this thing you call smiling? I do not find that bomb you set off killing all those people funny Joker!” Joker continued to twist back and forth stiffly with his hands on his hips.

Frost chuckled. “That's funny Boss.”

Joker grinned grabbing the sides of his cape and flapping them about. “Maybe I should start wearing a cape? It's a little fun! I don't understand why the Bat-boob is still so stiff with a cape on! Capes are fun!” He chuckled as he flapped the sides. “Okay Joey, now to business! We're almost done! Let's take a dramatic shot!”

Joey nodded, sending out another prayer to the universe that he lived through this, and then concentrated on taking the photos.

The next outfit caused Joey to sigh with relief. For November, Joker came out dressed—fully—in an expensive suit. Joker wore a dark purple shirt under a midnight plum, paisley, fitted dinner jacket with a white vest, along with a black tie that had a purple print on it, but the material of the tie was so dark that Joey would have had to go right up to the Joker to discern its details. Joker also wore white slacks, purple socks with green stripes and red hearts along with a pair of purple, medallion pointed oxfords and lastly; dark purple gloves to complete the look. His hair was slicked back and up, almost like a pompadour, but with a few curls purposely twisted at his forehead.

Joker had worn lipstick for each picture, but this time his lips where a deep shade of a red. A red so dark that the color bordered on black, which was startling against his white teeth. Joey had to admit the color of Joker's lips was sexy...made the man's lips look extra kissable. Joey didn't lean that way at all, but he could see the appeal and appreciate the effect. How could an artist not, he wondered as he snapped pictures.

By now Joey was enjoying himself just a little partly because the Joker was a surprisingly good model, but also a great deal of his ability to relax was related to the fact that he knew his ordeal was almost at an end because they were at December and he had only worked a few hours. But he had to admit, Joker was a good model. The man willingly twisted and turned, taking whatever direction Joey gave him without pulling a gun, acid flower or threatening to carve a smile into his face.

Joker simply smiled, sticking his tongue out, the tip against his upper teeth as he grinned at the camera for his latest pose.

When he was finished, Joker rubbed his hands together. “All right my darling, one last outfit!”

Joker happily trotted into the back with Bob following him. Bob came out a couple of seconds later carrying a six-pack of beer and offered Frost, then Joey one. Joey took the alcohol gratefully.

He had just popped the top of the can of beer when Joker came out in his last outfit, a Santa suit that consisted of tight red shorts trimmed in fake white fur, a red jacket worn open to show off his bare chest, black “Santa” boots, a Santa hat on the top of his green hair and a fake green “Santa” beard.

Joker stood in the doorway and laughed. “Merry Christmas Gotham!”


When Joey was done taking photos of Joker, still dressed in his Santa getup, the Clown Prince came over, his hands on his hips. “So, what's the soonest you can have these pictures printed and in a calender? Valentine's Day is in three weeks! Have to have it for my girl by then.” Joker smiled, but there was a flatness to his eyes that told Joey that he had better have the calender ready in that time or else.

“Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem Joker sir.” Joey smiled packing up his equipment, wondering if he should move to National City...that had to be far enough away that the Joker could never find him again, when Joker smiled. “Perfect! Frost sweetheart, can you take Joey here to his new home for the next three weeks?”

“Sure thing Boss,” Frost answered coming over to stand by Joker. Joey stopped in mid-packing and stared at both men. “What?”

Joker grinned, stepped closer and dropped an arm around Joey's shoulders. This close Joey realize Joker smelled like vanilla, gunpowder and cigarettes. “I have a nice place set aside for you. It has a dark room, acetic acid, a toilet, someone to watch over you...the windows are blocked, there is no access to the outside world, so an artist like you can work! And if you behave yourself, play your cards just might walk out of this situation alive. Wouldn't that be nice?” Joker grinned. “It would, wouldn't it? Though I have to tell you, part of the condition—of your continued living that is Joey my dear, my sweet, my darling—if any of those pictures end up anywhere besides in that calender for Harley,” he paused, closed his eyes as if imagining something pleasant, and said, “I will find you and I will post selfies of you and me...only your head mind you, as we tour all my favorite spots in Gotham.” Joker chuckled and planted a kiss on Joey's cheek, leaving a perfect red lipped mark. “So, I suggest you work hard, get this done, and if I like the results my gift to you will be your boring little life, okay?”

Joey nodded, his voice betraying his fear. “Yes, yes sir, Mr. Joker sir.”

“Oh sweetie, it's just Joker.” Joker turned. “Okay, going to go change, my nipples are hard! It's a little chilly in here. Frost my love, take our guest to his new home for the next three weeks!”

Frost smiled in amusement. “Come on Joey. Let's get you home.”


(Three weeks passed. Joker stopped by each day to visit with Joey and check on the progress of his calender, sometimes showing up covered in blood from a successful night on the town. Joey made the calender and managed to leave Gotham with his life since Joker was quite pleased with the results. Joey gave up photography and moved to National City, though he would require sleep aids and anxiety meds for the rest of his life.)

At the Joker's hideout, Harley was singing softly to herself as she finished putting everything together for her and her puddin's Valentine's Day date. They weren't going out on the town because Harley didn't want to end the night on the off chance that they would be in Arkham. They were such tight asses in Arkham and wouldn't let her and Joker share a cell...jerks, she thought to herself. She wanted the whole night with her puddin: no Batman, no Arkham. She wanted her puddin all to herself. Harley giggled merrily, she was dressed in a scarlet red babydoll nightie, with thin shoulder straps that crossed at the back and a deep-plunging neckline. The set was made of soft, stretch tulle and luxurious rebrodé embroidery that was completely see-through, and she had on a pair of killer deep red stilletos, her hair worn loose and her make-up just right wearing the shade of red lipstick her puddin liked the best. She had spent her day working on making the hide-out a Valentine's Day love nest by decorating the hide-out in her traditional way, with an over-abundance of pink and red hearts.

While she sang softly to herself, “Give me your hand, darling...Do you feel my heart beating... Do you understand...Do you feel the same...Or am I only dreaming?...Is this burning...An eternal flame?”

Harley set the champagne glasses on the table that she had decorated with a red cloth and a vase of red roses. She set the glasses next to the bucket of ice that held a bottle of expensive champagne, a bottle of Armand de Brignac Brut Gold that she had acquired at the point of a gun with Ivy's help. She had also slipped out on her own one night (again with Ivy's help) and had stolen two sets of playing cards from a playing card exhibit that was in Gotham. Only the best cards for her puddin's gift!

One set of cards was for him to play poker with during his monthly poker game with some of the other Gotham criminals (if there were enough of them out of prison or Arkham to play that month); it was a set of black on black cards with Gothic designs; the kings, queens and jacks designed to look like skeletons, while the Joker card was a grim reaper. She just knew Joker would love them! They were not just beautiful, but expensive, printed on high quality paper and something else she couldn't remember...the guy at the exhibit had been blathering incoherently until Ivy had kissed him to shut him up.

The other deck she had stolen was for him to do cardistry with...the amazing tricks he could do with a deck of cards always caused her to become all hot and bothered. Harley sighed thinking about the way her puddin would sit on the edge of the bed, a cigarette in his mouth, naked, doing these amazing tricks with the cards. Just watching the way his long elegant fingers would shuffle, twist and flick the cards made her think of the things that he could do to her with those same fingers. Those cards were printed on antique colored high quality paper with actual gold and silver in the metallic ink that was printed on the cards. Really fancy-schmancy cards! The gift wrapped box with his present rested on the table next to the roses.

Harley hurried over to their beat-up looking stereo and put on some mood music, April Stevens singing “Teach Me Tiger” drifted from the speakers. She grinned happily swaying to the song when she heard Joker yell from the bottom of the steps. “LUCY!! I'M HOME!”

Harley squealed. “PUDDIN!!”

She rushed to the door of their bedroom and flung it open just as Joker made the top of the stairs. “Honey I'm....whoa, Harley!” he exclaimed in a pleased growl.

She giggled and did a little spin showing off her barely there outfit. “Do you like it?”

Joker, who was wearing his purple telescope hat and purple trenchcoat, both sprinkled with rain, tossed his hat to the side, neatly catching the hat on the coat rack that stood by their bedroom door. “Gawrr...Harley...You look good enough to eat, my little minx.” He licked his lips to emphasize the point, his eyes lingering on her breasts. Harley giggled happily, posing for him. Joker growled again, but this time deeper in his throat, his eyes traveling down her figure with a clear hungry look in his eyes. Harley smiled merrily and hurried over to grab his hands only noticing the package under his arm when she stepped close.

“Look what else I have!” She hopped a little as she tugged him into the room. Joker pulled one of his hands free from her. “Okay, okay, pumpkin, hold your horses. Let me get my coat off!” Joker laughed at her enthusiasm. He dropped the paper package from under his arm onto the bed and slipped out of his trenchcoat in the next moment before he tossed it back toward the coat rack. He missed, the coat crumpling to the floor at the base of the rack. He shrugged and turned back to Harley who squealed when she saw he was dressed in a tuxedo. “Oh puddin, you look so handsome!!” She clapped her hands and jumped up and down.

Joker chuckled putting his arms out to his sides and doing a little spin for her. “Only the best for a date with my girl.”

Harley purred. “Oh puddin, you are just”

Joker chuckled with a waggle of his eyebrows. “I know.”

Harley giggled throwing her arms around his neck. “Come see what I got you for Valentine's!!”

Joker wrapped his arms around her and easily lifted her off her feet. “There's more than just you in this outfit...because I'm pretty sure that's enough Valentine's for me...though I'm far more interested in getting you out of it...” He caught her bottom lip with his teeth tugging gently, his eyes heavy with lust for her. Harley growled pressing her mouth to his hungrily. Joker groaned with passion, pressing her warm, soft body against him, wishing he could get out of his tuxedo right this moment and indulge in pulling off the thin bits of cloth that Harley was currently wearing.

Harley growled, her hands sliding into his thick green hair, tugging just a little before she made herself stop. “First,” she breathed heavily, “I want you to see your gift.”

Joker sighed and set her back on her feet before a smile returned to his lips. “Oh, presents!”

Harley took his hand and yanked him toward the table where he saw a box wrapped in bright red paper and tied with a black bow. Harley picked the box up and shoved it at him with a grin. “Open it.”

Joker chuckled and pulled out one of the chairs she had around the table and sat, the box on his lap. He slowly tugged on the bow, purposely being very slow. Harley watched him intently then groaned loudly. “PUDDIN!! Stop it!!”

He giggled with a mischievous grin and wink at her. “Fine.”

Then with the enthusiasm of a child, Joker ripped into the paper and ribbon, then tore the top off the box. He reached in and delicately pulled out the two decks of cards. He looked up at Harley with a pleased expression before he opened one deck, then the other. He examined each deck without a word, playing with the cards, fanning the cards, performing a ribbon spread, and finally a sybil cut. Harley watched with fascination. When he was done Joker looked up at her, his smile spreading wide across his face. “These are fantastic Harley!!”

Harley squealed and clapped her hands. “Yes!!”

Joker laughed setting them aside. “My turn.”

He stood up and walked over, picking up the small, thin package he had dropped on the bed and handed it to Harley. She gave him a quizzical look as she took it from him and slid the object out of the bag. She turned it over to see the cover was black and in purple lettering across the front was just “Joker.”

Harley looked even more confused until she opened it and realized it was a calender, but not just any calender. Slowly, her mouth slightly open and her blue eyes wide, she flipped through each month staring at the picture of the Joker that adorned the top of each month.

Joker grinned. “I wanted to show you how I felt about you by exploiting myself for you.”

Harley looked up at him, her eyes wide, her voice a whisper. “Puddin...”

Joker frowned, looking a little crestfallen. “You don't like it? All that chafing in the thongs was for nothing?” he quietly asked himself.

Harley looked back down at the calender in her hands, staring slowly at each picture. Joker watched her and frowned deeper. He wasn't sure if he was upset or angry that she didn't seem to like it, when Harley suddenly dropped the calender to the floor and threw herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him hard, crushing his mouth with hers. Joker barely had time to catch her before her tongue was in his mouth. Harley groaned while she reached down and began to untie his necktie. Joker smiled against her mouth, then smiled wider as she dragged herself down his body until she was on her knees. With nimble fingers, she quickly undid the front of his black slacks, nearly ripping them open and yanking them down to his ankles along with his boxers. She then worked without a word to pull off his shoes before forcing him to step out of the black slacks. Joker looked amused as he murmured, “Harley?”

She smiled gazing up at him, wrapping her hand around his shaft. She held him steady as she slowly circled her tongue around the head of his erection her eyes gazing up at him. Joker groaned softly then chuckled. “I guess you liked it?”

Harley smiled at him, her mouth around him and winked before she lowered her mouth on him, taking him into her mouth, until he was sure he was touching the back of her throat. Joker's eyelids fluttered, his eyes rolling heavenward at the feel of her warm, wet tongue and lips wrapping around him in a sweet, firm pull of her mouth. She pressed her lips against him and sucked hard, dragging her lips up his length letting him go with a pop of her lips. She giggled sticking her middle finger into her mouth while Joker watched her with an quizzical expression. Harley winked again which caused him to frown, but then her mouth was on his shaft again, her tongue circling in slow delightful twirls; at the same time she was doing delicious things with her tongue, Harley snaked her other hand between his ass cheeks, her fingers rubbing before she plunged her middle finger into him.

Joker gasped in surprise, his gloved hands, which had moved to her hair, stroking the gold locks back from her face suddenly grabbed her hair in fists as Harley sucked and twirled her tongue around him, covering him in her saliva, deep throating before she would drag her teeth gently up his hard length, then repeating the deep throat sucking on his shaft while her middle finger thrust up into him until he thought he was going to collapse from the effort of not cumming.

“Damn it!! Harley!!!” Joker cried out thrusting his hips toward her eager mouth. She giggled and sucked, stopping only to let her tongue explore the satin texture of his hard erection while her fingers continued a slowly steady thrust. Joker groaned loudly watching her, thrusting his shaft into her mouth while she finger fucked him with firm, but gentle thrusts.

Joker hissed. “Harley...I...”

She smiled releasing him and stood up. Joker felt weak in the knees. His shaft was pulsing, almost hurting he was so hard, so close to climax...Harley grabbed him by the front of his tux and walked him backwards. “Harley?” Joker frowned, but then his legs hit the back of the bed and he fell backwards onto the old mattress that made up their bed.

Growling with an almost animalistic gleam in her eyes Harley pointed. “Get on the bed puddin and you better get that shirt open before I rip it open.”

Joker lifted a brow with an amused expression. “Yes, Miss Quinn.”

Harley shoved her panties down and crawled onto him, leaving her top and shoes on. “That's good puddin. You deserve everything you're getting.”

Joker blinked. “I do?” He was quickly struggling with the buttons of his shirt as he pulled it open almost popping all the buttons just as she crawled on top of him, her mouth at his erection again.

“Oh, you do,” Harley purred just before she ran the flat of her tongue along the underside of his shaft with a growl. Joker giggled. “Oh fuck.”

Harley crawled on top of him, positioning herself over him and rubbed the head of his penis against her slick opening while she made little noises, groaning with carnal pleasure. He reached up and grabbed her hips watching her rub against him. She was so wet her fluids were literally dripping down his erection. He was nearly vibrating with the tension of holding off his orgasm while watching her use him to make herself climax.

Harley rubbed the head of his firm shaft against her clitoris, rubbing harder and faster, her hips thrusting at the same time. Joker reached up and pinched her nipples through the fabric of her top which caused Harley to elicit a high mewling moan of pleasure until she came with a cry. “OH PUDDIN!”

Her body arched, and her grip on his erection was almost painful. She rubbed him against her clitoris hard with a few more strokes, then just as he thought he couldn't take any more, Harley pierced herself on him, plunging him into her warm, wet depths.

Joker gasped loudly throwing his head back and squeezing her breasts a little too hard, but he just couldn't control himself. Harley ground down on him with a hiss, her hands dropping to his chest. She dug her nails into his white skin, grinding her hips hard against him, thrusting and rocking with animalistic grunts. Joker's eyes rolled to the back of his head. He struggled to thrust up into her because she was being so demanding, forcing him to submit until he finally gave up and let her have her way. Harley dropped forward. She wrapped her arms around his head, crushing her mouth against his while her hips pistoned up and down in the most sensually exciting way, the sounds of their bodies connecting filled the room with the most graphic and lewd wet noises, their fucking drowned out the music, combined with the sounds of both of them panting and hissing until Harley, her entire body arched, she slammed down on him and he looked up watching her face as she climaxed with a long, drawn out groan.


Joker just couldn't hold back, the combination of her expression, calling his name, the spasm of her muscles wrapped around him, hot and wet, the delicious fragrant smell of sex mixed with the delightful scent of vanilla that was on Harley's skin...

Joker threw his head back and came with a hiss. “Uh, yes!!”

Harley groaned again feeling him spasm and release into her. She clenched her muscles, grinding on him until Joker was gasping, digging his fingers into her skin, his arms wrapped tight around her, but she didn't stop. She kept up her grinding, thrusting, sliding up and down his length, pressing her clitoris against him rubbing until she came again with a feral hiss of release.

She collapsed on top of him, sweating and struggling to normalize her breath.

Joker let out a long, low groan of exhaustion. “Fuck Harley, what was that?”

She giggled and sucked on the lobe of his ear. “Did you like it?”

“Ah...yeah!” Joker giggled. “Is this because you liked the calender?”

Harley giggled, then whispered, her breath hot against his ear, her words seductive. “You still have those thongs?”

Joker giggled.

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Chapter four

Mr. Atwell worked at a bank job, a bank job that he hated. He thought about that movie American Psycho a great deal, the freedom of killing everyone in the building...but instead he had gone to therapy. And then, not that long ago, his therapist had dumped him. Now he just lived with his urge to massacre. Atwell was a small unasumming looking man, with thinning blonde hair and glasses. Nothing to look at really. Someone who could easily dissappear, but one day he promised himself, everyone would know who he was, everyone would know his name.
He walked into his apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights, but as soon as he had shut and locked his front door, he realized the television was on. Frowning, he walked into his living room wondering if maybe he had left it on when he stopped in a panic. He saw the shadow of a man sitting there, his legs crossed while he bounced his foot, watching TV. The show he noticed was some cartoon and the man sitting here was nibbling on microwave popcorn. “Who are you?” Atwell hissed. He glanced around swiftly looking for anything he could use as a weapon.
The man patted the space next to him. “Shush, sit down. This is the best part!”
Atwell stood still and started to pull out his cellphone from inside his jacket pocket when a large handgun suddenly appeared over the top of the couch pointed directly at him. “No talking and sit down,” the intruder ordered and then added, “Atwell.”
Atwell dropped his phone at the sudden appearance of the gun. The phone hit the floor with a loud clack.  Atwell hurriedly came around the couch to comply and sat down. He glanced at the man next to him; the light from the television showed white pale skin, a long sharp nose and chin, bright red lips and a large grin. The man was wearing a Pinkie Pie baseball cap.
The man threw a piece of popcorn into his mouth, snickering at the cartoon before he turned around to face Atwell. “So, you like cartoons?”
Atwell frowned. “Ah, not really...”
“Ah, too bad, you're really missing out. Some of the old ones have some classic comedy!” The man rested his arm along the back of the couch, the gun's barrel coming to rest on Atwell's shoulder.
“So anyway, Mr. Atwell, you used to be a patient of one gorgeous and very funny Dr. Quinzel?”
The man looked startled. “Ah...yeah, a while ago.”
“Have you seen her recently? Sent her any flowers? Trying to romance her?” The man on Atwell's couch turned around to face him, a very large (and not quite humorous, in Atwell's opinon) smile on his pale face. The smile was startling and Atwell suddenly felt very sick. “No, I haven't?”
“ how can I believe you Atwell, buddy, old pal? Hmmm?”
Atwell started to open his mouth when suddenly the man turned around swiftly and a dagger was slammed into the top of Atwell's knee. Atwell screamed and Joker leaned forward, bringed the hand up from holding the knife and covered his mouth. “Oh now, now Atwell...let's have a nice little talk about your relationship with Dr. Quinzel, okay? Okay.”
Joker slowly let his hand down, Atwell whimpered in pain, but Joker giggled and ripped the knife out of the banker's leg. Atwell let out a startled scream of agony.
“Let's get started,” Joker said with enthusiasm as he rubbed his hands together. “I have at least one other guy on my list to visit tonight, then I need to get home to the missus. You know how that can be.” Joker grinned and then stabbed the knife in Atwell's shoulder, a few drops of blood splattering his face. Joker started to giggle. “Well, maybe you don't...seems to me you're living the bachelor's life here. So, where were we? Oh yes...Dr. Quinzel.”
When Joker left, the sad Mr. Atwell was choking on his own blood. Poor man, really didn't know how to take a joke, Joker giggled to himself as he hopped down the stairs.
Joker skipped down the street whistling while he made his way on foot to an apartment building where the very rich Alfred Baker lived. Mr. Baker had issues with stalking. Let's see what he knows! Joker giggled to himself.
When he arrived at the building, Joker kicked the door into Mr. Baker's apartment to find the man taking “care” of himself. Joker made a face, wrinkling his nose while he held his weapon on the naked man. “Let's make this short, not really fond of talking to a naked man. Well, unless it's Batsy just because that would be hilarious. I do agree with Mark Twain though...naked people have little influence on society. So my dear chap...been stalking my girl? She is a looker, but you know, Mr. Baker? I'm a jealous man and I really don't appreciate another many man trying to move in on what's understand?”
Mr. Baker frowned, shivering in the cold as he tried to cover his privates. “Your girl?” he asked in fear and confusion.
Joker narrowed his eyes taking in the scrawny, unshaven man with a six hundred dollar haircut. “Nah, it's not you.” Then he shot Mr. Baker in the head.
Joker took a deep annoyed breath before looking at the Hello Kitty watch on his wrist. “Time enough for one more.” He grinned, pulling his pinkie pie hat down low and set off for Mr. Baldwin's house.
The explosion that went off behind Joker while he walked home didn't affect him at all. He didn't even jump, his hands buried in his pockets. There was a splatter of blood across his nose and along one cheek that he hadn't bothered to wipe away while he walked down the street.
Shoot...three hits, three misses. It hadn't been any of those guys. He was snarling for a moment, rage and jealousy mixing into a hot burn in his blood. He hated the fact that someone was moving in on his girl, though that part of him only cooled down because Harley clearly wanted nothing to do with whoever this was. The rage,, that was not going anywhere. It was bad enough some goon was trying to romance her away from him, but he clearly had issues with women. Joker needed to find him quickly, but he should have known it was not going to be that easy.
Nothing ever is, he thought to himself. He could hear sirens in the distance and he snickered. Well, it wasn't a total loss! Tonight had been fun! He grinned wider and started to sing under his breath. “Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name...” skipping while he walked.
Harley woke up in the morning to find Joker wrapped around her. Smiling contently she huddled close to him. He felt good, hard muscled arms around her body keeping her safe, the wonderful smell of his skin, the beat of his heart...she loved him so much. His madness didn't seem strange to her, it was just part of his wonderful make-up that made him...him.
After a few minutes of being nestled against him, she started to get up, thinking to put some coffee on, but Joker yanked her against him with a whispered, “No.”
She giggled letting him snuggle her and hold her hostage in his arms. When he wanted to cuddle, there was no denying him, it was like that with most things. Once Joker had made up his mind, there was no changing it, but it wasn't just that...she loved the way he was “possessive” of her...though not controlling, Joker never controlled anything in that way....but he felt that she belonged with him. And she felt the same say, Joker belonged with her and if anyone tried to get between that...she would kill them, just as he would kill for her.
Closing her eyes, letting Joker hold her close, she dozed back off in the security of his arms.
When they finally did get up, it was to Bob bringing in a dozen donuts for them.
“Bob, my lad, you are a gentleman and a poet!” Joker chuckled sitting up as the donuts were laid carefully down on his lap.
Bob grinned and did a curtsy in his bright purple and orange tutu before he left them alone again. “You just made Bob's day.” Harley giggled sleepily. She yawned sitting up, her blonde hair a tousled mess as she rubbed her eyes, but she looked adorable.
Joker gave her a lopsided grin reaching out to rub her head. “Well, anyone who brings donuts deserves a kiss.”
Harley giggled, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. “No kissing Bob, I might get jealous!”
Joker wrinkled his nose at Harley grinning. “Ooooh, does my baby get jealous of her Mr. J?”
He laughed then proceeded to feed her donuts while she fed him. He smeared frosting on her lips making her laugh, grinning widely. She did the same to him until he pushed the box of pastries aside and attacked her!
He nibbled her all over, leaving a sticky mess on every inch of her. She was squealing, begging him to stop by the time he grabbed her up, wrapping his arms under her rear, lifting her up and took her to the shower with him.
While they showered together, Joker washed her hair, his touch tender and gentle, then surprised her by shaving her legs. He startled her at first by leaning out and grabbing soemthing from the sink, coming back with one of his many straight razors. Her heart had pounded so hard when she saw it, uncertain what he intended to do, but then he dropped to his knees, soaping up her leg.
She watched the way he carefully, but swiftly and expertly ran the razor over her legs, using the razor like an artist, placing her foot on his shoulder while he worked. Not once did he even nick her; the man knew exactly how to handle the razor.
His green eyes traveled up her leg to gaze into her blue ones as a slow smile formed on his lips. After the shower he pressed her up against the bathroom wall, stroking her chin with his thumb, staring at her lips just before he gave her a kiss that made her toes curl. “My poopsies...” He giggled against her mouth, his lips sliding down to her neck. Harley closed her eyes, arching her neck. He pressed her shoulders back with his hands firmly on them, his mouth traveling down her neck to her collar. He bit her playfully, just hard enough to make her jerk. He moved further to her breasts, letting her shoulders go so he could cup each breast with his hands. It was slightly painful, but not enough for her to want him to stop—that luscious mix of pleasure and pain that he and she both enjoyed. Pressing her breasts together, he played his tongue and teeth over her nipples, He kept at it until she was writhing against the wall. With a heated whisper against her ear, Joker whispered. “You like that?”
Harley whimpered. “Oh yes, don't stop...”
Joker ran the flat of his tongue up her throat, then whispered again. “Say the magic word...”
Harley's blue eyes pleaded. “Please, Mistah J, please...”
With a wicked grin, Joker grabbed her, throwing her over his shoulder as he carried her to the bedroom, giggling madly. He tossed her onto the bed, dropping onto her after she bounced a little. Watching the way her breasts jiggled, the smooth creamy texture of her stomach, her legs...she was all his...oh he was going to kill this man who was after her...she belonged to him!
Everything about his Harley turned him on so much, especially the fact that he was responsible for her tranformation...that she changed to be with him...what man couldn't love that!
He was about to crawl onto the bed and finish his breakfast when Harley rose up on her knees placing a hand on his stomach. “Wait...”
He started to ask why, but she found a better way to explain herself than talking. Grasping him with one hand, she guided his shaft into her mouth with a low groan of pleasure. Joker's eyes rolled at the warm, wet feel of her lips and tongue on his erection. Harley ran her hands up his flat stomach, then down again. He thrust his hips just a little making Harley grin, running her tongue along the bottom of his erection, then flicked over the head of his shaft before she hollowed out her cheeks and sucked deeply on him. She grinned, bobbing her head up and down, listening to the way Joker moaned, his hands moving into her damp hair. His hips thrust forward slowly with her sucking. She grabbed his rear pulling him closer. She took him deep into her mouth. Her eyes fluttered closed. She loved him so much, loved the way he felt in her mouth, the way he surrendered himself to her. She felt him coming close, throbbing against her tongue when he pulled away.
Panting, Joker looked down at her grinning. “You are in trouble now, pumpkin!!”
She giggled and squealed as Joker launched himself onto her. They were both laughing and wrestling until Joker got her pinned under him, holding her hands on either side of her head, grinning like a mad man. “You're mine, sweet cheeks!!!!”
Harley giggled. “Always!”
Joker growled playfully nuzzling her ear. “Mine, mine mine!”
They made love slowly and passionately. Joker took his time enjoying the way she felt. She was so wet, so soft and yielding. She loved the way he fucked, the way he rotated his hips to make sure she climaxed more than once. She knew he liked to hear her scream.
Harley was all aglow with his attentions, while her puddin was laughing and giggling.
When she came again, she let out a loud cry that Joker covered with his mouth. His own climax melded with hers, their cries mixing together in one long moan of pleasure. Joker wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly.
They spent the rest of the  day lying naked together, with Joker drawing pictures on her with a marker. He drew little smiley faces on her stomach and drawing faces on her breasts until they were both laughing. He let her draw little pictures on him, lying back naked on the bed, his hands behind his head watching her while she drew a huge smile on his stomach and then a jester's face on his chest. “Oooo, those are really quite good pumpkin!” Joker looked down at himself. Harley was sitting naked on her knees and grinned. “I'm glad you like them puddin!”
Joker admired himself. “Hmmm...maybe I should get tattoos like this someday?”
Harley climbed on top of him. “Maybe, sugar pie.” Soon they were back to passionate kissing, Joker moving her to rub her against his quickly growing erection again.
Much later, Joker jumped out of bed and stretched. Harley rolled onto her stomach to watch him. She had a lustful look on her face as she watched him get dressed. She loved the way he moved while he walked around picking up his clothing.
He slipped into his pin-striped purple pants, his suspenders up over his shoudlers and a button down yellow shirt, no tie today. After he finished dressing he leaned towards her, grabbed her chin gently and planted a kiss on her lips, rubbing his nose against hers with a huge grin before he turned and skipped down the stairs, his shoes highly polished thanks to Bob. Almost as soon as he hit the bottom step, he started to yell orders to the few goons that were down there, his voice carrying back up to her. She smiled happily. Things were back to normal, though that was when she heard a gunshot and Joker laughed. “Anyone else too tired? Let's go boys!” Harley giggled, well, at least her kind of normal.
She would just stay away from the “normal” world for a while; Martin would give up and go away and that would be that. Maybe Joker wouldn't need her to go out and then all of it would fade away.
Martin was angry. No, correction, he was furious. He had been frequenting all the places he had seen Harleen and she was nowhere to be found.  He was sure he hadn't missed her; he was careful in his surveillance of her. If he didn't know better he would assume she was avoiding him! Really? How could she?  She must be with that Mr. J of hers...he needed to find this man and kill him.
Martin headed to the grocery store where he had first saw Harleen again wandering the aisles looking for her.  His anger had blossomed into a rage when he saw an attractive young woman, curvy figure, blue eyes and long blonde hair. He strolled over to her, telling her how he had seen her across the aisle, she was so beautiful. Giggling, teasing and soon he was picking her up for a nice dinner, except that dinner ended up at his place where he raped and beat her to death, calling her Harleen the whole time.
Martin sat on the edge of his bed, surrounded by the pictures of his obsession, the woman's body at his feet, blood covering him and the bed sheets. Harleen thought she could avoid him, when they were meant to be together?! Did she forget...he knew where she lived. He decided to remind her. He picked up his cellphone dialing, then placed an order.
It was almost evening. The sun was just starting to go down when a knock sounded at the door. Harley's heart nearly stopped. She had been in the middle of painting happy faces on all of Joker's baby bombs—as she liked to call them—while she blew bubbles with her chewing gun. They weren't dangerous at the moment. Joker had said he was fairly sure...not positive...but pretty sure. So supposedly all of them were just shells right now. She was decorating them with little happy faces, sparkles and glitter. Some she had painted hearts on with “Mr. J and H” on them or “Mr. J loves Harley.” She had been admiring her work when the knock came.
Joker was somewhere in the warehouses...she wasn't sure where. He had stayed with her all day, but something had happened with his project and he had to go take care of it himself. (She idly wondered if someone had made a mistake and if so, how many positions would open up for more lackeys to fill.) She had felt safe enough that she had let him go without a word, but almost as soon as Joker had left the knock startled her.
She picked up one of the many crowbars that Joker was fond of and kept handy and walked over to the door. She opened it slowly and exhaled. It was the delivery guy, but her relief was short-lived when she saw the flowers he was holding. “Delivery for Dr. Quinzel.”
She took the black roses and her heart dropping to his stomach. The man gave her a smile. “No need to sign for them this time miss.” Then he turned and was gone. Harley stepped back, closing the door staring at the flowers. She walked over and set them down, pulling out the black card that sat among them. She opened it and a photo dropped out, floating to the floor. The photo was of a young woman who resembled her, clearly beaten to death. Harley picked it up and on the back it read, “You're next.”
Harley stared at the roses, her blue eyes wide. She quickly destroyed them, ripping the card to pieces in a frenzy of destruction. When she was done she pressed herself against the wall breathing heavily. wasn't her...what was wrong with her?!
For a moment she thought about going out and finding Martin and taking care of him herself. But another part of her was terrified.. No...she needed to take care of this herself. She was frightened, but she didn't want Joker to know about her problem from her past.
When Joker returned home from where he had been working on his big project, he happily contemplated what he was going to do this evening. His list...then he saw a black rose petal. He frowned, stooping pick it up from the floor. He frowned, rubbing it between his fingers and stared at it. Black roses mean death. He sneered...Martin...whoever this Martin is...Joker needed to take care of him...and soon.
He went looking for Harley only to find she was gone. The strangest feeling came over him...panic. Joker hated it. He didn't like feeling worried.
It wasn't the least bit funny.
He did a quick search looking for a clue as to where his honey bunny had run off to.  For a moment he was overcome with the most intense feeling of pure jealously.  This Martin was moving in on his girl!! And Harley was gone...had she gone to meet him??
No. He took a few calming breaths. Not his Harley. Never. He blinked in surprise as the realization that quite possibly his Harley had decided to go take care of her Martin problem herself. She had been keeping all of it secret from would make sense that she would try to take care of her problem herself. Well, he would just have to have a talk with her...that is not how this relationship worked!! Only he could keep secrets! And those were only really good ones, usually so he could surprise her!!
Joker made a face and started to arm himself. He was just going to have to go track his baby down and teach her playmate a lesson.
Martin narrowed his eyes watching the warehouse where he knew Harleen lived, waiting, watching. Of course, he could go in there and drag her out, but that wasn't how this game was played. He liked the chase, the capture, the surprise. Plus there were too many variables that he couldn't control by simply going to her place. He had seen the men coming in and out. He couldn't be sure how many were actually in there.  But what he wanted was for Harleen to put herself out there, like an animal waiting for the predator to pounce. She knew that was how you played the game...Once she was out in the open, easy for him to take, he would know for certain that she wanted this too...Martin smiled. Hunting was one of his favorite pastimes and he could be patient, he really could.
Harley wore her “normal” clothes. She didn't want Martin to know about her alternate identity because she didn't want her puddin to get in trouble because of her. So here she was out on the street looking in all the places she had run into Martin before. It had just become dark and some of the shops were closing. She chewed her bottom lip. She was dressed in black and red leggings, red and black combat boots, sporting a white t-shirt, a red jacket with a lot of glitter over the top, and had a gun hidden in her pocket. Her hair was piled in a messy bun on the back of her head. She took a deep breath as she walked about hoping to run into Martin.
She stopped to look into a jewelry store. They were closed but Harley was distracting herself with thinking about convincing her puddin to come here and rob the place. There was a really gorgeous black and red gemstone necklace on display. She was leaning in close, her thoughts on how to steal the necklace when she felt an arm go around her waist. “Hey, Harleen. Thought I might have to go hunting, but then suddenly there you were!” She swallowed, turning her blue eyes up to see Martin. He had that smile on his well-groomed face, but her blood suddenly ran like ice through her veins.
She turned, yanking her weapon out. “I want you to back off Martin. I am not your doctor and I am not your girlfriend. I have a guy and I want you to go away.”
Martin looked down at the weapon, raising an eyebrow. “Wow, didn't think you had it in you Harleen.”
She started to say something else when suddenly he knocked her hand out of the way slamming her against the jewelry store window cracking the glass and with one smooth movement he pulled a stun gun out and slammed it against her neck.
Harley gasped, her eyes bugging out, but that was the only reaction she had before she jerked in pain and passed out. Martin smiled slowly. Finally, finally he had everything he wanted! Harleen would soon see that he was the only man for her. And he would still take care of this Mr. J so that she would have no other distractions; Martin would be her world just as she was his. He lifted her up and carried her away.
Joker wore jeans and a t-shirt that read, “I can only please one person a day. Today just isn't your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either” with one of his purple striped jackets thrown over with one of his wide-brim hands on his head. People were jumping out of his way when they saw him while he looked for clues for his Harley.
Joker found his way, following Harley's trail, the old fashioned way, intimidation. Ask a few questions with some little threat say...threatening to cut their ears was surprising what people remembered!  Plus he knew his girl. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out some of the places she might have stopped. He finally came upon the jewelry store with its cracked window, he knew Harely would have stopped to look at the jewelry.  He saw the police milling around and he hid as he watched them.  That was when he saw it...a gun. The cops hadn't seen it yet, it was off to the side just under a large blue metal mailbox, the light not reaching it. But Joker could tell even from this distance whose gun it was...Harley's.
He turned gazing around. Someone had to have seen something. He saw a homeless man nearby watching the proceedings. His eye met Joker's and he swiftly took off down the alley. Joker smiled slowly. “Ah...a witness...Ooo! I feel just like Batman! Being all detective-like!” He snickered to himself as he causally followed after the homeless man.
Harley regained conscious slowly. She groaned. Her head felt awful! Her eyes fluttered a few times as she struggled to focus. Okay, she remembered going out...Martin...Harley's heart started to hammer in her chest.
She was tied to a chair in the middle of a room. As she looked around, her eyes widened when she saw pictures of herself everywhere! Some from yearbooks...newspapers...the internet...all before her change, before she found her real self and became Harley Quinn. It made her skin crawl. Martin walked over to her and ran his fingers through her hair. She tried to yank her head away from him, but he dug his fingers in and held her head still. “You know...I've been in love with you since before I was your patient. But I suppose you don't remember school I was kind of forgettable...but I never forgot you. Even when you disappeared after Arkham, I never forgot you.” He ran a finger down her cheek.
Harley jerked, but she couldn't move her head far enough to get away from his touch.
“Now you are all mine.” He smiled, but Harley growled. “Mr. J is going to find you!”
Martin dropped down to a crouch to look her in the face better. “Ah...the mysterious Mr. J. I'm beginning to think he doesn't exist.”
“Oh he exists all right,” a voice answered with a giggle.

Chapter Five

Stepping out of the darkness of the bedroom, Joker smiled. Harley gasped; she had no idea how he found her, but she was relieved to see him.
Martin stood up slowly smiling as well. “So you are the notorious Mr. J?”
Joker put his leg out and performed an elegant bow. “Indeed I am.”
Then he stood up straight with a grin. “I think we have a disagreement.”
Martin put a hand on Harley's shoulder. “I believe we do.”
Joker shot a quick glance at Harley, his eyes meeting hers for a split second. Harley's heart was hammering, but that look in his green eyes gave her hope. He was here to take her home.
“Martin is it?” Joker began. “You seem to be under the mistaken opinion that my girl is yours...” Here Joker 'tsked.' “She is mine. And I really find it in bad taste to try to force a woman to be with you...I mean, really? Are you so insecure or so dickless that you have to take a woman against her will? I mean, I find it much more fulfilling in a relationship if the two of you are equal partners.”
He smiled at Harley. “Though I have to say I don't like being lied to...well...not lied to exactly, but really...if you can't come your puddin for help then who can you come to?” Joker frowned looking at Harley with a pout on his lips.
“Sorry puddin...” Harley frowned, her eyes terrified. Joker gave her a wink. “Oh, you know I can't stay mad at you, you little vixen.”
Joker turned to Martin. “Now, I don't suppose you would want to just give up and give me my girl back now would you?”
Martin sneered. “She belongs to me.”
Joker smiled. “Oh good. I was hoping you would want to settle this the hard way.”
Martin moved surprisingly swiftly, reaching toward something on the dresser wrapping his fingers around it then flicked it out at Joker. Whatever he threw caught the dim light. Joker saw the thin wire catch the light, a garrote wire a split second before it hit him. It wrapped itself around Joker's arm which only made him grin. He yanked Martin forward causing the other man to stumble off his feet.
Joker slammed the heel of his hand up under Martin's jaw, smashing his teeth upward so that they snapped together when his head was knocked backwards. Martin stumbled back with the hit, but he still had a hold of the garrote that was wrapped around Joker's arm. There was blood seeping through the fabric of his clothing, but Joker ignored it yanking Martin back toward him again with a huge grin. He grabbed his opponent by the front of his shirt and slammed his forehead against Martin's nose, crushing it with an audible crack. Martin yelped, grabbing his nose with both hands which only brought Joker closer again.
Joker twisted like a snake, unwrapping the wire from his bloody arm while he moved behind Martin, successfully wrapping Martin's arms around his body with the wire. Joker leaned against him, his lips against Martin's ear.
“Ooo, I like to play rough too.” Then he licked Martin's ear.
Martin snarled and dropped his weight, yanking Joker off his feet. They hit the ground and rolled. Martin managed to get himself free, twisting to his feet in one fluid movement. He kicked Joker in the stomach. Harley screamed, but Joker only laughed with every kick. He finally grabbed Martin's foot and flipped him up with all his strength while he staggered to his feet. Joker giggled. “You really need to work on that...I've been beat up by the best and you, my friend, are falling short.”  
He suddenly dropped down and lashed out with his foot taking Martin in the knee with his heel; he didn't break it, but Martin cried out in pain dropping down. He tried to get out of Joker's reach, but he was too slow.
Joker reached over and grabbed a lamp off the bedside table and smashed it down on Martin.
Martin punched back, his fist connecting with Joker's jaw and sent him sprawling back, falling into  Harley, both of them going over. Harley yelped when she hit the floor still tied to the chair. Joker rolled over her and sprang to his feet just as Martin charged.
Joker wrapped his arms around him when Martin's head connected to his stomach, knocking the air from his lungs. Joker lifted him up and slammed him against the wall. Drawing a deep breath, Joker said, “Oh now handies and it's only our first date!” Joker snickered.
Martin stumbled away from Joker, reaching over to yank a drawer out of the chest near him and threw it, hitting Joker who raised his arm up just in time to protect his face, dodging to the side to protect Harley from the flying scraps of wood, which gave Martin time to race out of the room.
Joker lowered his arm and grinned. “A fun...” He pulled out his old-fashioned straight-razor and stalked after Martin.
Harley struggled to get herself free, but lying on her side, her hands tied behind her back, her feet to the legs of the chair, it was difficult. She could hear the fight continuing in the next room. She hoped Joker beat the shit out of Martin. Her heart hammered as she worked with all her might. She need to get in there and help her puddin. And she wanted to get a few licks in on Martin. She was furious at herself for letting this happen. She was Harley Quinn! She had held her own against Batman, Batgirl and the rest of his gang of goodie two shoes! She could do this, she would never let someone do this to her again, she promised herself with a snarl.
Joker stalked into the next room, licking the blood from his lip. More blood ran from his nose and from a cut along his cheek, but he was laughing. “Come out, come out, wherever you are....” Joker playfully flipped his blade back and forth between his hands.
That was when Martin stepped out of a darkened corner with a gun in his hand aimed at Joker.  Joker tsked. “Really? Bringing a gun to a knife fight? Besides sweetie...guns  are really wanna bring the cops to our little party?” He lifted a brow in question at Martin.
Martin laughed.  “Oh I'm not worried...freak like you? The cops with be thanking me.”
Joker snorted. “Freak like me? Wow, you cut me to the quick!” Joker held his free hand to his heart looking profoundly hurt.
“It's a very good thing that I don't fucking care.” The smile Joker graced Martin with was enough to finally make Martin's blood run cold.
He shot at Joker who moved almost supernaturally fast, leaping out of the way only to land feet first against Martin's chest slamming the man down. Crouching on his chest, Joker chuckled. “Ah, don't look so serious? I'm not going to kill you—yet.” He reached down to grab Martin's forehead. The man flailed, having lost his gun when Joker hit him. Martin dug his fingers into Joker's thighs trying to get the man off of him, but Joker seemed disinclined to move or pay attention as he placed the straight razor against Martin's face and dropped his knees on either side of Martin's head, effectively pinning him to the floor. “Let's see how much fun we can have, hmmm? You need to smile more.” Joker snickerd and started to cut, widening Martin's smile. Martin let out a bloodcurdling scream and Joker patted his cheek. “Oh really, such a baby.” He laughed, waggling his eyebrows at Martin with a crazed glint in his eyes. “This will only hurt a lot.” Joker started to laugh.
Harley gasped in pain once she finally got her wrists free. Her hands were slick with blood and ached, but she paid no attention as she worked to get the ropes free of her legs. She could heard Martin screaming in the next room, which caused her to smile the whole time she worked to get herself free.
She got to her feet with a limp, her limbs numb with having been tied up so tightly. She stumbled to the door just as Joker finished cutting a nice wide smile into Martin's face. He glanced over to Harley, blood splattering his face and smiled affectionately at her.
“Think you can find your way home poopsie? Daddy's not finished here yet.” He gave her a grin and Harley nodded. “Sure thing puddin.”
She limped to the door, glancing over her shoulder at Joker who blew her a kiss.
She arrived home and immediately stepped into the shower.  She stayed in the shower, scrubbing her skin until she felt red and raw. She washed her hair several times until she felt clean enough to get out of the water, her pale skin wrinkled. She dressed in a pair of boxers that were bright red with little black hearts all over them and pulled on a red tank top.
She was sitting on the side of the bed brushing her hair out when Joker finally came in grinning like the mad man he was, covered in blood, his eyes having that slight glassy look to them.
“Pumpkin, I have something to show you!” He reached out to take her hand and pull her to her feet. She didn't argue, she simply slipped a pair of boots on and followed him out. He picked her up when they got outside, carrying her on his back in his excitement. Harley giggled holding on tightly, kissing his ear as he pranced along the sidewalk. If anyone had seen them they would have called the police in a panic with Joker covered in blood with Harley riding on his back.
He was practically skipping as he walked her down the street and then set her on her feet, pointing upward. “Tada!! Just for you!!”
She looked up and there, on a billboard, was Martin. He had been nailed naked to the board wearing a huge smile that Joker had cut into his face for him. She could see that there were several deep, not necessarily fatal cuts along his ribs and stomach, but it was clear even from here that he had been castrated, and written all over the board was: “Hahahahahahahahahaha....never touch my girl.”
Joker had an arm around her waist holding her against his side. “What'd ya think?”
Harley giggled and leapt into his arms. “OH PUDDIN!!! You're the best!!”
She covered his mouth in kisses. She didn't care about the blood; all she cared about was that he had come to rescue her and made Martin pay. Joker made a delicious growling noise in the back of his throat pulling her closer, sliding his tongue deeper into her mouth. They stood there kissing until Joker lifted her up again with a hissed, “Let's go clean up cupcake.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    He gently held her face in his hand and kissed her before lifting her up and tossing her across his shoulder. Joker carried her home and back into the shower.
Once there, Harley stripped him out of his bloody clothes while Joker watched her grinning the whole time. She did so love that smile.
She tossed his clothing into a pile. She would burn them later, but for now she wanted to pull him into the shower and wash the blood off of him. She stripped herself naked and pulled him under the water.
She soaped up her hands and set to work starting on his chest. “Did he scream Mistah J?”
Harley ran her soapy hands down his chest and over his stomach working her way lower. Her gaze traveled up his wiry muscled body as she whispered. “Thank you.”
Joker laughed. “Thanking me? was fun!”
Harley stood, giggling. “ came after me and took care of him.” The kiss she gave him was long and passionate, her wet body pressed against his, while his hands trailed down her slick back with a wide grin. “Well, I know a completely delightful way in which you could repay my kindness.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, snickering at he did so and Harley caught her bottom lip in her teeth smiling at him.
Meanwhile across the city Batman was monitoring the police bands when a call came in about a castrated man nailed to a billboard.
Batman frowned deeply when the words written in blood were mentioned...Hahahaha....never touch my girl...
Batman rubbed his chin. Joker had been quiet now for a few months, but now last night and the night before, four men killed. The way they had been killed wasn't typical Joker style though the billboard man had a smile carved into his face. The man on the billboard was found near a grouping of abandoned warehouses...He pushed back his chair and walked swiftly to the Batmobile. It was time to do some investigating, but no sooner had he made the decision than a bleep went off on his computer indicating an email had come through. Batman frowned; only a very few select people had this email. He touched the computer bringing up the email. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. The sender was Jack Napier. He almost didn't open the email, but he had enough security on his system to put the government to shame. Whatever Joker wanted, he would be a fool not to read it.
Harley was down on her knees, that delightful mouth of hers wrapped around his shaft sucking long and deep. He groaned with a grin, the fingers of both hands kneading her scalp, his hips thrusting forward just a little as she took him as far in as anatomy allowed. His back arched with a loud groan, nearly coming, but he managed to keep control. She really did know how to use her mouth and that tongue. All that bubblegum she chewed really did help with her jaw muscles like she said it did. He jerked when she dragged her teeth along him carefully then sucked him to the back of her throat. “Oh are gifted my pumpkin...” She giggled around his erection which sent a ripple up his groin  and caused him to giggle in response.
Batman read the message. “Left a prezzie for you on a billboard! But before you go getting all righteous about it, here is the address of our dear deceased friend. And you call me a monster. Really Bats, sweetie, but don't get used to me doing your job for you.  Love, Joker.”
Batman pressed his lips together in anger. He knew those murdered had something to do with the Joker. He had felt it in his bones. He stood up and moved swiftly.
Harley was on her hands and knees, grinning over her shoulder at Joker. He ran his hands up and down her smooth back, teasing himself with gazing at her curves, the swell of her hips, the roundness of her rear, his erection just barely touching against her. She was so wet, almost trembling with need for him to take her. He gave her a long, slow grin, savoring the look on her face, the flush of her skin, just before he thrust into her. He would never say it in actual words, but he ached for her. The only person in the whole wicked world that understood him. He would always kill for her.
She arched at the feel of him filling her with a cry that turned into a sensual moan. Pressing hard against her backside, his shaft as deep as it would go, he held her there against him, his fingers pressed into the flesh of her hips. His eyes fluttered, rolling back while he savored the delicious feel of her hot, and wet around him. He finally reached around, grabbing a breast with one hand and squeezed, dragging the fingers of that hand over her nipple which got him a gasp. He giggled in response.
When Batman arrived, the place was already surrounded by police. There were a few of them up on the billboard with a crime scene investigator working to pull the victim down. He watched them, staying in the darkness. After a few minutes of studying the scene, he headed off to the address Joker had sent him. He would return to the billboard if need be.
Joker lay on his back while Harley rode him with earnest. She cried out, driving her hips against him, her fingers digging into the flesh of his chest. He ran the thumb of one hand over her clitoris grinning while he watched her breasts jiggle, the look of pure ecstasy on her face fueling his lust as she drove him to the edge, his other hand gripping her thigh. “Come for me Harley, come again,” he hissed while he worked to coax another orgasm from her.
“Oh yes!” she moaned, her hips thrusting against his thumb and his shaft. Her hands grazed down his chest and over his stomach, her hips grinding against him. He smirked watching her, his girl, always and forever. He caught his bottom lip, groaning. Damn she felt so good...he grinned.
As he stepped into the apartment the first thing Batman noticed was a mixture of smells.
There was the smell of blood and the slight sweet scent of decay. Some of the scents were fresh, others were older. As he silently walked through the apartment, he saw the signs of a struggle, splatters of blood, indications of someone having been dragged. He followed the trail into the bedroom where he found the broken furniture, duct tape, but also the pictures. On the walls were pictures on top of pictures all of Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Batman frowned, reaching out to touch the wall. He saw the broken chair, the destroyed drawer. He sniffed; the smell of decay was stronger closer to the floor. He pushed the bed out of the way...and there was the body. A young blonde woman. Immediately he could see the similarities between her and Dr. Quinzel.  A quick visual study showed that the woman had been raped and tortured before her death. Batman wasn't sure all the details of what happened, but a guess would say that this man had somehow gotten ahold of Harley and Joker had come after her. With the man ending up on the billboard.
Batman closed his eyes. He was angry, but also not sure who exactly he was angry with....
Joker was lying on his back, naked, grinning broading, smoking a cigarette lazily with a naked and exhausted Harley lying sprawled on his chest and stomach. He had his other hand in her hair gently caressing his fingers through her tangled blonde hair.
They were lying there when suddenly the door was thrown open and Bob was standing there in a pink tutu looking upset. Harley squeaked, pulling up the sheets, though Joker seemed unfazed. “What is it Bob, dear?” Joker leaned over putting out the cigarette as Bob hooked his thumbs together and flapped his fingers around like wings. Harley and Joker looked at each other. “The Bat.”
They both jumped out of bed, Joker grabbing some pants and started to swiftly get dressed. “Bob, sound the alarm, get everyone moving, might as well give the guys a fighting chance...” Joker giggled then asked as he was slipping his shoes on, “Did you pack the car earlier like I said?”
Bob's head bounced up and down with enthusiasm. Joker grinned walking over and patting Bob's cheek. “Good boy. Go get the car started and we will be right there.”
Bob hurried out of the room.
Harley pouted. “We have to move again! I hate that Bat.” But then she frowned. “You told Bob to pack the car? You knew he was coming?”
Joker giggled. “Ah, pumpkin it's just part of the game. And yes, I sent him a message.” He grabbed her cheeks gently then gave her a big sloppy kiss on the mouth as he laughed. “Didn't want him thinking old Martin was an innocent victim.”
She giggled when he pulled away. “Fine.”
Hand in hand, Joker and Harley skipped down the stairs to the car outside, but just before Joker leaned in to open the door, Batman landed with a thud on the roof of the car. Harley snarled stumbling backward yanking Joker with her. She pulled out her huge popgun, but Joker stopped her, putting a hand against her. “Hey there, Batsy. Find my treat for you?” He smile was very wide, his teeth almost glowed.
“I did Joker. Tell me how he ended up dead.” Batman stayed on the roof of the car unmoving. Harley didn't put her weapon down, keeping it aimed at the Batman.
“Well my dear, dear Bat. That man decided he wanted my Harley and, well, you know how I feel when someone tries to take my things.” Joker giggled
Batman frowned. “I found the apartment.”
“Well, I should hope so. I told you right where it was, Batsy. Goodness—getting old are we?” Joker wrapped an arm around Harley's shoulders pulling her close against him though she kept her gun trained on the Bat. Joker could feel the tremble in her; she really, really wanted to shoot Batsy.
“I did your job for you Bats! I don't know why you felt the need to come all the way over here unless it was to tell me how much you miss me? Was that it? Did you want a kiss?” Joker giggled at the disgusted look on his face. Even Harley had to snicker at how upset the B-man looked at Mistah J's suggestion.
Batman jumped down from the car, causing Joker and Harley to take several steps back. “I found the body of his victim.”
“Well I am sure if you do a little more snooping and put that super detective brain of yours to work, you will find more.” Joker grinned. “A man like that doesn't just have one, you know...”
Batman narrowed his eyes. “I should take you in.”
Joker sighed, clearly getting tired of this little game of back and forth. “We both know you're not going to...not this time Bats. The only proof you have is that I said I did it, but alas! Anyone could have sent that email from Mr. Henderson's computer...I was hacked wasn't it?” Joker smiled slowly.
Batman glared as Joker maneuvered Harley around Bats and into the vehicle. Joker walked to the other side and leaned his arms on the roof grinning at Batman.
Batman hissed. “You're responsible for those other men too, aren't you...all former patients of one Dr. Harley Quinzel.”
Joker snickered. “They do call you the greatest detective don't they? Good night sweetheart, until we meet again!”
Joker blew Batman a kiss before opening the door and slipping in beside Harley. Batman looked down at the windows to see Harley Quinn giving him the finger just before they drove off into the night.
Batman watched them go, grinding his teeth before coming to a decision. Then with a barely audible “Humpf.” He shot up into the air disappearing into the night.

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Chapter two
They ate lunch at an outside cafe that had chairs with umbrellas and fancy coffees. Martin paid for everything. They spoke about “normal” people stuff, which was fun for a change, but Harley was quickly getting bored, especially since she had to make up boring lies about what she was doing. Finally, they were done with lunch and Harley was getting anxious to return home. That ache from having been away from Joker too long was taking over.
Martin had been pleasant enough, but she did have a couple of more errands she needed to get out of the way for her puddin. That need to get back to him was making her blood run hot.
“Thanks for lunch Martin. It was fun, but I need to go.” Making Joker jealous had seemed like fun at first thought, but now she realized she just didn't want to do it. She loved her puddin too much and besides, how could any other guy compare to him?!
“So where are you off to now?” Martin asked, watching her closely.
Looking a bit distracted, Harley muttered. “Actually I was going to head to the cosmetics. I wanted some nail polish.”
“Care if I tag along?” Harley was about to say no, but changed her mind with a shrug. Why not? Since it would be wiser to avoid committing crimes right now, she had to find some way to distract herself.
She headed toward the shop with Martin walking beside her watching everything about her.  Harley wasn't really paying him too much attention to him though, her thoughts on Joker and what she could do to get his attention back for a little while tonight.
After they arrived at the cosmetics shop, Harley examined some nail polish and Martin made some suggestions. He even let her put lipstick samples on him as she looked for blacks and reds that she liked. In Harley's mind, Martin wasn't much different that Bob, her tutu wearing henchman. But when he asked her out for dinner, she declined saying she needed to head home. Martin frowned, but made no comment.
He needed to figure out who she was involved with and get rid of him.
By the time she arrived home, it was just starting to get dark, far later than she had intended to come home. Joker was waiting for her and turned on her as soon as she stepped in.
“Where have you been, Poo?” he hissed.
Harley looked a bit surprised.  She didn't think he would have noticed. He had seemed engrossed when she left. “Just doing some more shopping puddin...I got us some new nail polish.” She gave him a smile showing off the shopping bags in her hands. Joker grabbed her, pulling her into his arms, pressing her against him.
His embrace was painfully tight. His mouth crushed against her as he walked her back against a wall and kissed her even harder. Harley didn't fight it; she was happy for the attention, dropping her bags and wrapping herself around him. Joker's hands came up to squeeze her breasts, his mouth possessive as he worked his way from her mouth to her neck, biting her, his fingers finding her nipples and pinching in the delicious way he knew she liked. Harley grinned brightly. He had noticed she was gone! Joker started to yank up her sundress working his way to yanking down her panties when he stopped and pulled back to tilt his head at her with a grin. “New polish?”
She nodded. “Yep, I think you'll really like them!”
Joker growled then, brushing his mouth against her neck, nibbling playfully. “You can paint my nails later.”
She giggled. He pulled her panties down to her thighs, then with a quick yank, he simply ripped them away, before plunging his fingers into her while pressing her against the wall. “Don't ever be gone so long again,” Joker whispered against her neck, his long agile fingers playing across her and inside of her. Harley's eyes fluttered as he caused a moan to escape her lips pumping his fingers, making her pant.
“I promise.” she groaned
“Good girl, my cupcake...” he hissed, then suddenly he dropped to his knees throwing her skirt over his head. He spread her legs and buried his tongue against her, sliding the flat of his tongue between her folds and lifting her up off the floor. She gasped, almost losing her balance as Joker shoved her up, hooking both legs over his shoulders, using the wall for additional support, and started to suck at her. She moaned, glancing down, but she was only able to see the shape of his head under her skirt. She loved watching him do things to her, the expressions on his face when he was given over to completely being with her were some of her most treasured experiences with Joker.
So that made not being able to see him annoying, but she couldn't think of that for too long as his tongue did some sinfully, wickedly, pleasurable things. She moaned, her hips thrusting slowly against his tongue and lips. He nibbled, then moved his tongue over her in the most lavish fashion, sending butterflies exploding in the pit of her stomach.
After a few minutes of him doing sexy things with his tongue, Harley was practically crawling the walls with an intense orgasm that nearly blinded her with pleasure. Joker let her down only long enough to grab her and throw her over his shoulder before heading up the stairs to their shared bedroom.
When he got her upstairs he nearly ripped her dress, getting it off of her. He was not in the mood for talking, so Harley didn't say anything, just helped him get the dress off in relatively one piece. Then he stripped quickly. Yanking off his tie, swiftly unbuttoning and shrugging off is vest, then his shirt. She got on her knees to help with his pants, yanking off the belt and sliding down the zipper.
He gave her that wide grin of his that caused her body to shiver all over with anticipation of what he would do. She never knew exactly what was going to happen—he always surprised her which she loved. (Well, except for the one time he left her somewhere outside of the city. She had been pissed when she finally returned home and threatened to kill him.)
Granted, that was early in their relationship and the make up sex that night had been fantastic!
Now his surprises didn't involve trying to lose her. Now he showed her affection and love as well as a good amount of lust.
He threw his arms out wide and jumped on her. She squealed, both of them laughing as they started to wrestle naked on the bed. They sucked, gnawed and licked at one another until Joker managed to get her pinned under him, twisted around so she was on her stomach. With one hand, he managed to grab her wrists and with the other, separate her legs. Nibbling on her shoulder, his ground his erection against her backside, teasing her until he finally slid into her.
She cried out happily. Joker released her wrists pressing down hard on her back, giving her quick hard thrusts that made her jerk and gasp. Laying his hands on top of hers, twining his fingers with hers, he held her fast while he gently sucked on her shoulder, alternating with licking her ear while he continued to thrust in hard, steady movements. Harley grabbed the pillow with her teeth trying to prevent herself from screaming happily, but Joker hissed as he licked her ear. “Come on, Harley baby, scream for me. Scream loudly. I'm going to keep going until you're hoarse from screaming.”
With a ripple that started at her groin, traveling like a flood through her body, Harley came with a loud clear cry of happiness.
When she came, Joker sped up his movements, ripping a loud cry of pleasure from her again. He snarled, “Yes my girl, yes...”  Pounding into her, his hand around her wrists tightened only a little painfully while his other hand held most of his weight. He glanced down, arching his upper back so he could watch the way her rear jiggled when he smacked into her which made him snarl with pleasure.
She moaned, she could feel him coming closer, feel the tightening as he became harder, which started to bring her closer to another orgasm. Harley arched her rear up gasping as she climaxed, panting for breath. “OooOO!!!! Mistah J!!! Joker!!” Her whole body was so sensitive all he would have to do would be to blow on her ear and she would come.
He pressed powerfully against her, burying himself deeply, dropping his weight back down in order to   bury his face against her neck. He growled out a climax of his own, slowing his thrusts down, making her cry out again, more softly this time, their fingers squeezing tightly against each others fingers.
They didn't move for a while catching their breath.
He nuzzled her ear and whispered. “Mine. You'll always be mine Harley and I'll always be yours...”
She brushed her cheek against his lips. “Always yours, Mistah J.”

The next day Harley was downstairs with Bob, painting his nails while Joker worked on his plans again. After her fulfillment the previous day, Harley was leaving him alone to work. She had her hair up in pigtails wearing a pair of blue and red short shorts and a blue t-shirt that read “Joker's Girl” on it. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor barefoot while she worked on Bob's nails and was humming happily. After Joker had thrown her over his shoulder and taken her upstairs where he showed her just how much he had missed her, she had painted his nails last night while he told her of his plans to trap Batman. She had only half listened while she worked on his nails.
Today she was staying home. Her puddin had said he needed her here, so here she was happily waiting for him to come to get her when he was ready.
It was early afternoon when there was a knock at the door. Harley frowned glaring at the door. “Did you order pizza again?” She turned her gaze back to the large man before her. “Bob, remember last time we did that? Mistah J got pissed and we had to move the hideout! And he killed the pizza boy...and we had to bomb the pizza place. Remember that?”
Bob frowned, shrugging.
Harley sighed and headed to the door grabbing her pop-gun from the table as she did so. She looked through the peephole and blinked in surprise to see flowers.
Opening the door there was a young man standing there. “ Harleen Quinzel?”
“Yes?” She frowned at the flowers as the young man pushed them at her. “Sign here.” She held the flowers signing for them and then the delivery man was gone.
She frowned; flowers? Who knew she was here? She walked in and set them down. There was a card attached, which he pulled out and quickly read. “Had a great afternoon, Love Martin.”
She frowned in surprise.  How did he know where to send flowers?
That was when she heard Joker throw something with a loud crash, quickly followed by more.
Uh oh!
Harley ran upstairs setting the flowers and card aside, all but forgotten.
A few hours later she came back down, her hair a muss and her clothing out of place trying to straighten herself up. She grinned at Bob.
“I have to run out. I'll finish your nails tomorrow, 'kay?”
Bob nodded, got up, and slowly left, going to another part of the hide-out.
Harley straightened herself out, then grabbed her purse heading out all smiles.
Joker was annoyed. He couldn't do what he wanted to do until Harley returned. In his frustration he had tied up and gagged one of his henchman and was throwing darts at him. A cigarette was hanging at the edge of his lips, a whiskey bottle sitting on the table and the shot glass half full. The man had darts sticking out from his groin, chest, and one in his forehead.  Joker narrowed his eyes at the goon who had a terrified expression on his foolish face while the clown prince aimed another dart. Joker closed one eye, shrugged and then closed both eyes before he let the dart fly. He heard a muffled cry and opened his eyes to see that the dart had embedded in the goon's nose.
Joker took a long drag on his cigarette blowing out a trail of smoke before he snarled, “Still bored.” He yelled. “BOB!! Come get Carl here!” A moment or two later, Bob came around, wearing his usual pink tutu over his shorts and a t-shirt, picked up Carl without untying him and disappeared with him out the door without a single word.
Joker paced his and Harley's shared room, aggressively smoking his cigarette and taking shots from his bottle of whiskey until he hissed and kicked a chair and then stomped the chair to pieces for good measure.
He headed downstairs, not sure what he was going to do, when he stopped short at the sight of flowers. His green eyes narrowed dangerously. He walked over to the flowers pulling one out and examining it. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the small card that had been attached to the flowers.
He tossed the flower aside and picked up the note. He read it slowly, his expression changing. He read it a few more times and then slowly crushed it in his hand. Martin? A great afternoon?
Harley was at the hardware store examining some metal piping when felt a hand on her waist. She jerked and turned ready to elbow whomever in the nose when she stopped short seeing that it was Martin. “Geez! I almost broke your nose!”
Martin smiled. “Sorry didn't mean to scare you! I just saw  you coming in here and though I would surprise you.”
Harley laughed. “Well, you did surprise me!”
Martin smiled. “So whatcha looking for? Maybe I can help?”
Harley looked down at her list. “A hundred yards of metal tubes, three hundred yards of rubber or plastic tubes and forty of the big springs.”
Martin took her hand. “Alright, let's get started!”
Joker had torn up the flowers, smashed the vase and was now seething. Who would dare try to move in on his girl?? A tiny darker part of him wondered, did she like this other guy? Was she planning on leaving him? But he smashed that part, knowing that it couldn't be true—Harley was his, she would never leave him. So who was this “Martin” that thought he could move in on his dame!? Joker narrowed his eyes, then he turned swiftly and slammed his fist into the wall, over and over until his fist was bloody. He had to find out and then he had to make things very clear to this Martin that no one tried to move in on his girl. Flexing his fingers a few times, his maniacal grin in place, he picked up the  card. Joker headed back up to his room and sat down in front of the computer to do some digging. It was time to find out how many Martins were in Dr. Harleen Quinzel's past.
Harley grinned, having gotten the order for all the items placed and ready to pick up with Martin's help. “Thanks! How can I repay you?” She smiled. Martin reached out and cupped her throat rubbing a thumb over her chin. “A kiss?”
Harley took a step back. Okay, he was getting a little handsie. The doctor in her kicked in. “Look Martin, I'm in a very serious relationship.”
Martin frowned. “How serious can it be? I haven't seen you out with him, not once! If he loved you he would be with you, not sending you out on errands like an employee, a lackey!! You should be taken care of, worshiped! But instead he has you running around for him like a slave.”
Harley frowned. “You don't understand is all.”
Martin sighed. “Give me a chance Harleen, let me show you what a good guy, a guy who really adores you can be like...”
Harley wrinkled her nose at him. “Look Martin, I appreciate your help and all, but me and my puddin got a good thing, really. He loves me.”
Martin sighed. “Well, I am going to try and win you over. And just so you know, I'm going to fight for you.”
Harley blushed. Wow, fight for her? Really? She giggled. “Well I better go, but good luck.”
Joker said nothing about the flowers when Harley came home. He had burned the destroyed blooms and hidden the card while he researched this Martin. When she came home, he grabbed her, holding a cloth of chloroform over her mouth. Harley's eyes bugged in surprise. She struggled, but he was far stronger than she was and held her against the door, his green eyes piercing into her blue ones until she passed out.

Chapter three:
When she came to, she had no idea what time it was, but she was lying on their bed. As she sat up slowly, she noticed the bed was covered in dried and dead rose petals. She twisted her lips in confusion, which was when she noticed the candles everywhere, along with a couple of dozen teddy bears, most of them with knives in them and a few without heads. There was also the smell of something delicious. That was when Joker came into the bedroom dressed in his best purple suit, carrying a tray. He gave her a huge grin. “Good, you're awake! Look what I did!!”
He carried in the tray and set it across her lap. On the tray were what appeared to be a flat-iron steak in Asian sauce with crisp green beans and rice. Harley stuttered. “What? Mistah J?”
Joker grinned and sat on the bed next to her. “Well, last time I was in Arkham, there was this delightful man that only spoke in recipes! So I learned a few really good ones before I had to choke him to shut him up.” Joker grinned. “Go on, try it!”
Harley took up the fork and knife cutting off a piece while Joker watched her intently and then she let out a groan. “Oh puddin, this is heavenly!”
Joker clapped. “Sit and spin, Gordon Ramsey!”
Harley giggled, but then she asked quietly. “Ah, what's going on Mistah J?”
“Whatever do you mean? I can't do something nice for my pumpkin?” Joker grinned.
Harley blushed. “I love it puddin,” she assured him earnestly. “I really do.”
He leaned over and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. “Eat up! I have something else planned!”
She ate swiftly, not sure at all what was going on. After she finished her meal, Joker grabbed her hand and led her up to the roof where there were a set of guns on the ledge and a cd player. He waggled his eyebrows at her and turned on the player, the sounds of Frank Sinatra came crooning through. She laughed as he grabbed her and spun her around pulling her up against him and dancing with her along the roof to the cords of witchcraft. Harley laughed happily while they romped across the roof of the building and then back again. Joker dipped her low, planting a kiss along her cleavage before pulling her back to her feet and spinning her around. He tugged her back against him, doing a quick, yet perfectly executed waltz with her, stopping next to the guns.
“And to finish tonight's entertainments, I have arranged a shooting gallery!” Joker picked up one of the weapons and handed it to her as he picked up the other one. They looked over the side of the building's roof and Joker yelled. “NOW BOB!”
That was when several blind-folded men, their arms tied behind their back, came running out of one of the buildings. Harley giggled. “Oh, this is grand, puddin!”
He grinned and bowed to her from the waist. “Ladies first.”
Harley snickered and leaned over, taking aim and firing. She hit one man and let out a loud “Yippee!!”
Joker giggled. “Nice shot my dear!” He twisted with the gun behind his back and fired hitting one that had started to stumble sending him the rest of the way to the pavement. “Perfect!”
Harley clapped for him, jumping up and down. They shot a few more before they heard sirens and Joker was forced to send some men out to clean up and “redirect” the GCPD's attention.
Once they were downstairs and back in their rooms Joker pulled out his favorite handcuffs. “I thought my cupcake might like a little extra attention tonight,: he said, twirling the cuffs on a long finger. Harley giggled. “Oh, Mistah J!!”
With that he handcuffed her to the bed and proceeded to grab one of the teddy bear knives to cut her out of her outfit.
Harley wiggled with glee not complaining once about the ruined outfit, especially when he spread apart her legs and lavished her with his tongue.  He grinned, waggling his eyebrows at her slowly twisting his tongue along her clitoris while he kept his gaze on her face.  Gasping, Harley thrust her hips toward his mouth causing Joker to chuckle, which vibrated up her groin and along her spine. “Oh, Mistah J!”
Tugging on the handcuffs, her hips came up off the bed while his tongue continued to lick and tickle until she sobbed out an exquisite orgasm.
But he wasn't ready to stop. Joker lifted her legs and tossed them over his shoulders, raising her hips up and continued to please Harley, burying his tongue deep into her and started to move his tongue in and out. Harley came again, her wrists becoming red from struggling against the cuffs.
When she finally heard the zipper on his pants, that signaled he was ready to take her. Harley thought she was going to pass out from bliss as she wiggled with anticipation. She gazed up adoringly at him while he pulled off his tie and started to remove his shirt, her eyes wandering down his chest to his stomach and further down, biting her bottom lip with a grin. Joker matched her smile with his own, pulling her hips up. She started to ask if he could take the cuffs off, but before she could utter a word he thrust into her and all thought vanished again. He leaned forward, stroking his long fingers over her breasts rocking into her in that slow firm way he knew she liked. Crying out on another climax, her wrist straining against the cuffs, he finally leaned forward and pulled the key from the pocket of his pants, he freed her. Harley wasted no time yanking Joker down to her, covering his mouth with hers. She could taste herself on his tongue and lips, her inner muscles squeezing him. He mumbled something, but then Harley was forcing him onto his back, grinding her hips against him until Joker was unable to keep up. She wanted to fuck him so badly that she grabbed his wrists and pinned his arms over his head while she ground her hips. Joker was panting hard while she fucked him, her breasts rubbing against his chest while she held his arms.  His eyes rolled back  as he bit his bottom lip with a huge grin and then he came with a loud laugh. She gasped when she felt him shuddering and coming right along with him, starting to laugh herself.
The next morning she woke with a long luxurious stretch, feeling happily sore and content. She had no idea what had sparked last night's attentions from Mr. J, but she was pretty happy that his full focus had been on her. Rolling over onto her side, she saw that Joker was gone, the bed cold where he usually slept. She sat up rubbing her wrists, yawning widely and walked naked to the bathroom. She showered and dressed before she started to look for him, but she didn't find him anywhere upstairs. She went downstairs, but he was nowhere in sight there either. She tapped her foot trying to think where he would have gone off to when Bob came in from outside.
“Hey Bob!”
Today Bob was wearing green and pink, his tutu a lime green that clashed with his pink bow-tie. Bob hurried over to her and handed her an envelope. “Thanks, Bob hunny!” Bob gave her a huge grin and danced back outside to wherever he was going.
Harley flopped down onto the couch assuming her puddin' had left her a message about where he had gone.  She opened the envelope and a piece of paper that looked like a ticket fell onto her lap. She picked it up to examine. It looked like a home-made ticket. She read it out loud: “One admission to after-hours tour of the Mass Murders and Psychotics through History exhibit! Meet me at the back doors of the museum by midnight.”
Harley giggled with glee holding the ticket to her breast and kicked her legs. Her puddin' was going to take her to the museum!!
She didn't see him all day, which she assumed was because of the surprise that night. So she dressed in one of her sexiest outfits, short skirt, corset, her hair pulled back into pigtails with red and black ribbons, thigh high boots and her favorite black and red diamond leggings. She did a little twirl in the mirrors leaning in to check her makeup before she excitedly took off for the museum.
Joker arrived home very late. He had gone to do some bargaining for weapons, but the gang he was dealing with had been very inconsiderate and no sense of humor and he had been forced to kill them all. If they had only laughed at his joke...really...was that so much to ask? The rigged doorknob was always funny. That guy who can been barbequed had danced around like a monkey with his hand stuck to the door.
Joker thought it was hilarious whereas the arms dealers had not. Despite leaving a mess, he did get his weapons. He was whistling Ring around the Rosies when he came home and found the place deserted, Harley nowhere to be found. Joker stopped, tilting his head listening. No, she definitely wasn't here....that wasn't right.
Harley arrived at the museum, but she didn't see her Joker anywhere. She was at the back door waiting, but he still hadn't shown up. Finally she decided to try the doors and see if maybe he was waiting inside. She glanced around before pushing on one of the double doors. It opened without issue and she slipped inside with a small smile on her lips.
Once inside, she went down the maintenance hall, not once seeing anyone, neither security nor janitors until she finally stepped into the exhibit. Her eyes bugged with delight. The first display was all about Donald Henry Gaskins. She was reading about how he was the only man to kill someone on death row when she felt hands go around her to cover her eyes and a whispered. “Guess who?”
Harley didn't move; that didn't sound like her puddin'...
“Give up!” The voice laughed.
She was turned around and found herself facing Martin.  “Martin?” she said in surprise.
He grinned at her, taking her hands in his. “I thought you might like this exhibit. I remember that was why you left your practice, because you wanted to pursue some of the more extreme types of cases.”
Harley tried to pull her hands away, but he held her hands firmly.
“Look, I appriecate the gesture, pal, but I got a guy! A great guy who loves me! So get yer mitts off!” Harley tugged away again, but he jerked her against him wrapping his arms around her before pushing her up against the wall, pressing his mouth against hers. She struggled, yanking her face away, but he nuzzled her neck which made her skin crawl. Harley squawked and struggled, but he had her pinned against the wall. He tried to grab her wrists and pin her arms over her head, but she brought her knee up with as much force as she could muster.
Martin let go of her with a cry, stumbling back in shock. Harley turned to make a run for it, but he grabbed her yanking her backwards against him. “Stop struggling!! You know you want to be with me! You gave me all the signals and I did this for you!”
“Let me go you freak!!” Harley elbowed him in the rips, but when she pulled away he managed to trip her sending her sprawling across the marble floor. He grabbed her ankle and started to haul her back, but she spun around and struck him in the face with her free leg. He snarled and grabbed her ankle, yanking her across the floor and climbing on top of her, grabbing her hands and pinning them over her head. “We are supposed to be together, Harleen!” Martin said with desperation in his voice, tinged with something else that made Harley feel revulsion. “We have always been meant for one another!” Then Martin backhanded her. She gasped in surprise, her blue eyes wide.
Harley spit blood at him, the slap having split her lip. “I only love Mistah J!”
Martin narrowed his eyes. “Mr. J?” He squeezed her wrists painfully at the mention of the other man.
Harley struggled. “My puddin' has my heart—ain't no other guy ever going to take his place! You just stay away from me if ya know what's good for ya!”
“Then I am just going to have to change your mind.” He pressed a kiss to her mouth tasting her blood, but she took a bite at him causing him to yell and yank away. When he did, his grip loosened on her and she pushed herself free, scrambling to her feet and running for the door.
Martin let her go as he narrowed his eyes. He adjusted his shirt, shook his head as if to clear it, and took a deep breath, focusing. He was going to have to find out who this Mr. J was and eliminate the competition.
When Harley arrived home, it was clear she had been crying; her lip was split and swollen. She didn't turn any lights on, didn't want anyone to know she was home, and she certainly didn't want anyone to see her.
She wanted to tell Joker what had happened, but on the other hand, she didn't want to because this was all her fault—she should have seen it coming! She was a psychiatrist and he was a former patient! Hell, she should have been able to handle herself...beat the shit out of him. She had no trouble kicking Batman's butt or anyone else's for that matter. But had been different. She had been scared like she had never been before...Why was this different? She had hit Bats or his baby bird lots of times. Of course, Batman never tried to take advantage of her...She shuddered feeling fresh tears starting.
She went upstairs, unaware that Joker was slouched down low in a chair hidden in a corner of their room, his legs spread wide, the darkness and his silence shrouding him as he watched her. He frowned deeply, angrily, when he saw her; her tear-stained face, the signs of a struggle, bloody lip...he narrowed his green eyes, his fingers digging into the arms of the chair until the fabric started to tear. Someone had hurt her...someone had hurt his girl...his Harley....and someone was going to pay.
When Harley walked back into the bedroom after showering thoroughly, her favorite red nightie on, she found Joker lying in bed. She was momentarily startled, but he seemed to be asleep, mask over his eyes, his silky purple night pants on. She crawled into bed, snuggling up close to him. He surprised her by rolling over and pulling her against his chest. She snuggled in, burying her nose against his pecs, her arms folded over her chest. She took a deep breath, taking in his scent. His embrace tightened just a little, but he said nothing and neither did she. Harley simply relaxed into the safety of his arms and fell asleep.
Once Joker was sure she was well and truly asleep, he slipped carefully out of bed and grabbed her purse looking for any sort of clue. In moments, he found the “ticket.”
Joker narrowed his eyes, crushing the paper in his hands.  He was right, someone was after his girl and there was going to be hell to pay. Batman wasn't the only detective in Gotham as that slow and wicked smile of his grew across his face, though this smile had no hint of humor in it.
Harley didn't leave the hideout the next day. Joker said nothing, the only indication that he was aware of anything being wrong was when Joker frowned looking at her. “Something looks different?” He studied her face, but made no comment on the state of her lip only stroking his thumb lightly over the swelling before he simply said. “Nope, just me.”
Joker kept her close all the day. She seemed to need to be near him, so he simply let her stay close to him while his anger grew like a deep dark knot of rage in his gut at whoever had hurt her. It wasn't just that someone was after his girl, it was that this person had harmed her, scared his poo-bear and they needed to be taught a lesson. It angered him even more that Harley was scared. Harley never got scared of anything!
Snarling to himself, he started to do some research into Harley's past as a doctor while she was napping on the floor at his feet. The ticket had been for the exhibit on nutcases, so he was pretty sure it was either someone she had worked with or knew her personally. Who else would have that sort of information, would know that that was where her interests in the psychiatrical arts lay?
Later, while he worked at the laptop sitting cross legged on the floor, Harley laid behind him reading. She leaned against his lower back while she read. At one point, Joker reached back without looking and squeezed the back of her thigh, simply letting her know he was aware of her. When she dozed off again, he picked her up and carried her to the bed.
He had gotten the list down to ten likely candidates for who could be harrassing her. Tonight he was going to go down the list and teach each one of them a lesson in how to treat a lady.
He decided not to wear his regular point in attracting attention right now. This was a private matter.
So he walked out that night in jeans and a hoodie, with a baseball cap that had pinkie pie on it with the hood pulled up. The only purple on him were his hightops. His list was in his pocket. The first on his list was a Henry Atwell. “Let's go see what you have to say for yourself, Mr. Atwell.”

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Chapter 1

The morning light seeped in from the corners of the curtains that were stapled closed. Harley woke up with a pleasant smile on her face, stretching her arms over her head and let out a breathy sigh.  She was completely naked and her blonde hair was a mess. She giggled to herself, running her fingers through her hair happily.
They had made love hard and fast last night and she could still feel the burn of him against her body. She felt delicious and warm, thoroughly used, just like she liked it.
She could tell there were going to be bruises...on them both, which made her chuckle silently. Rolling over, Harley saw Joker was still asleep with his back to her. For a long moment she just admired his pale skin and slick muscles that tapered down to a slim waist. He sported several scars, most of them from Batman, but the others he never talked about. The one time she had asked, he had only grinned and whispered. “Other clowns...but they're all gone now.”
She shimmied closer and wrapped an arm around Joker's waist, running her lips along his shoulder. He turned around, a sleeping mask on since he hated the sunlight, wrapping his arms around her and then he yanked her close before she could squirm away. He had that maniacal grin on his face made all the more unnerving by the fact that his eyes were covered. His green hair was messed up, curling this way and that, falling over his forehead.
She loved that she could shatter him, wreck his composure, if only a little.
Harley giggled at the feel of his long, lean muscled body against hers. He still had his gloves on from last night. She had found that very exotic...especially since he had worn nothing else. Harley loved it when he was completely naked with her, a sign of his absolute trust in her. Nuzzling in close she nipped at his chest playfully.
His arms were a strong trap she couldn't escape unless he let her. He pulled her against him, tightening his grip. She snuggled against his chest settling down and falling asleep again knowing it was useless to struggle and not actually wanting to anyway.
When she woke again, she could tell it was a few hours later. Figuring she needed to get up to go run  some errands today, Harley started to slowly disengage herself from the lock of his arms around her waist.
Her Mistah J had a list of things he needed for another plan that he had written out for her. Harley brushed her lips against his mouth getting a quick, playful bite in response. He managed to grab her bottom lip pulling it out only a little painfully before he let go and licked her. Groaning, she responded to his lick by snagging his tongue with her teeth. He chuckled just before she sucked on his tongue. His hands moved down to squeeze her rear before loosening his embrace.
She slipped out of bed walking across the room naked, heading toward the bathroom. He lifted the mask up just enough to show one green eye. “Where you going pumpkin?”
“Oh, just going to run out and get those things you needed, puddin,” she answered him. “And some food.” She grinned stretching.
,He grinned in return his one eye looking her up and down in appreciation. “Don't forget to grab that bottle of whiskey.”
“Of course, Mistah J.” She gave him a wink and a wiggle of her rear. He chuckled deeply, sticking his tongue out at her before pulling the mask back into place. Harley turned, coming back over to jump on the bed with a squeal. Joker chuckled grabbing her and wrestling her down on the bed pinning her beneath him with her arms over her head. He held her wrists with one hand, pulling the sleeping mask off  with the other and grinned down at her. “You are a bad girl, Harley.”
She giggled and wiggled under him. “You like me bad, puddin...You going to punish me?”
“Yes I do and yes I will!” Joker chuckled. He started to tickle her with one hand, making her scream and laugh. “STOP!!”
Joker laughed with a show of his teeth. “NO!”
He continued to tickle her until she was in tears with laughing and begging him to stop. “I'm going to pee!!!”
He giggled, nuzzling her neck and squeezed her breasts. “Okay, I shall be merciful. But just this once Harley, don't get used to it!”
He giggled again and motorboated her breasts making her squeal again before he released her. She hurriedly got out of the bed before he grabbed her again. Joker pulled his mask back into place flopping down on the bed, spreading his arms and legs out. “Get some animal crackers too!”
Giggling on her way into the bathroom, Harley quickly showered and dressed in her “normal” clothes trying to be quiet and let Joker fall back to sleep.
Her puddin needed his sleep; he slept so rarely that when he chose to sleep, she wanted to make sure he got at least an hour or two. For him, it was the same with eating. He didn't eat much unless she made sure he did. He wasn't good at all about taking care of himself.
It was like when he faced Bats. She shuddered thinking of how hurt he got sometimes. It made her temper flare hot for a moment. She very much wanted to give Bats a dose of his own medicine! For a moment the daydream of being able to kick Batman's ass floated through her mind happily. She sighed. One day she was going to kick that Bat's ass for all the times he had hurt her puddin.
She put her hair up in a bun , thinking that she would have to make sure Joker ate when she got least he had asked for animal crackers!
She slipped on a red t-shirt and a pair of black shorts with some hightops, one red, one black. Her glasses were on a shelf only having glass in them since Joker had “fixed” her. She grinned at herself in the mirror doing a little turn to look herself over. Perfect. Still looking cute while much more “normal and boring” than usual.
She grabbed her purse and set out with one last look at Joker in their bed.  A gentle smile formed on her lips and her heart did a flipflop at the sight of him. He was sleeping already. She very quietly pulled a blanket with fat little kittens on it up over his naked form before she slipped out. She loved him so much that it made her feel nuts sometimes.
With a grin, she headed down the stairs and out onto the street. She walked a few blocks to the car and decided to head to the market first.
She took one of the stolen cars that they had stashed out in the junk yard not too far from the hideout. She loved driving when she could speed, but today she had to follow the law...blah...
Shopping could be fun, but damn it she hated being honest about it.  Stealing bananas wasn't really thrilling, but still—handing over money! Seriously?  
Everyone here, all the “regular” people were so damn laughs, no smiles...what a bunch of hard-cases! Harley threw a piece of bubblegum into her mouth and chewed before blowing a big bubble and popping it as she drove.
If Mistah J were here, he would certainly fix that, she thought with a giggle.
She drove into the parking lot of the supermarket and slipped into a handicap spot and hung her fake tag before she got out and skipped into the market.
Harley rolled her eyes when a couple of people gave her odd looks since she was laughing to herself...sore heads. 'Course, this was why she did the shopping...if Mistah J was here, he would have started shooting people just to kill the boredom. Thinking about that made her giggle again, which caused her to receive a few more “looks.” The  idiots.
The only up side to this whole venture was at least it wasn't her money! It was from the last heist they did on all those stockbrokers. She smiled, remembering the job and the guy that Mistah J had hung upside down in his boxers and painted a clown face on. That was when someone cleared their throat, causing her to turn around.
Standing behind her was an attractive man, short brown hair, chiseled features, deep brown eyes and he  even had a dimple in his chin. Harley frowned...damn, he looked familiar. She couldn't place him until he spoke. “Dr. Quinzel?”
That was when it clicked. He was one of her old patients from when she had been a psychologist. She frowned awkwardly. She remembered him now even more...he had had an unhealthy obsession with her and she had been about to drop him when her big break at Arkham had come and then her meeting the Joker. She had to smile at the memory of her first meeting with her puddin, but the man's voice brought her back to the here and now.
The man was grinning at her. “I haven't seen you in a long time, Dr. Quinzel.”
“Ah it's just Harleen now. I am no longer practicing.” She shrugged and started to turn away.
“Oh that's too bad. I thought maybe if you were taking any of your old patients...” He smiled at her with a set of perfect teeth...ewww...nothing like her Joker's perfect teeth. These were...blah...
She tried to be nice, mostly because slugging him would blow her “I am a normal Gotham citizen” persona.
“Sorry.” She turned away going back to examining at the fruit.
“Well, you know, why don't I take you out for dinner? We could catch up.”  The guy's voice was dull too she thought before she turned around again.
“Uh...” She motioned with her hand having forgotten his name.
“Martin.” He murmured, “Martin Henderson.”
She nodded. “Martin. I don't think that would be appropriate.”
Martin frowned. “Why not? You're not my doctor any more.”
“Well, yeah, but I'm involved with someone and I was your doctor. That's still a really thin line ya know?” She gave him a fake grin, turning around hoping he would just go away, but Martin grabbed her arm surprising her.
He turned her around and Harley almost lashed out, but he took her hand pushing a card into it. “That's my number if you change your mind or your guy dumps you.” He smiled, giving her a wink before he walked off.
Harley made a face, sticking her tongue out and tossing the card inside her purse. She kinda remembered him; he had issues with obsession and possession...a little manic, but not in a good way like Joker. Plus he had been freaking clingy as a patient.
As soon as it was out of sight, the card and the brief encounter were completely out of her mind.  Shaking her head, Harley's thoughts returned immediately to her lover, the Joker and finishing her shopping. She popped her gum with a grin.
Martin watched her as she walked away. She was more beautiful than he remembered. They had a special doctor-patient relationship, and though she kept her feelings concealed, he knew she felt the same way. It had always been obvious to him. Like just now...acting like she didn't remember him. It was a little game they played.
He remembered when she had told him she was closing her private office to go work at Arkham. He had understood that she wanted to expand her career. He was a supportive partner, so of course he let her go, but then she had disappeared after going to work at Arkham.
He had heard the rumors, but no one knew the truth.
This must be a sign...she was back. Martin smiled. When he got his chance, he would take her back, but this time he would not let her go! Ever.  
Martin returned to his small apartment in Gotham's midtown area. Inside, the apartment looked like the place any up and coming young business man might have, but as Martin moved into his bedroom, it was clear he was not your regular up and coming young man.
On the walls were pictures of Harley, cut from articles, some photos that were taken from a distance...drawings of her. All clearly collected before her transformation.
He even had a lock of her hair that he had managed to get at some point during his time as her patient.  He smiled. Finally he would be able to charm Harleen and make her his...this time he would not lose her!
Harley had forgotten all about her encounter with Martin well before she returned to the hideout. She had some groceries and all sorts of things from the hardware story for her honey bunny. She sent a couple of henchmen she found hanging around downstairs to go get some of the bags for her from the car while she went to check on Joker. “And don't any of you drop anything or you will have to deal with me!” she shouted down the stairs as she headed up.
She made her way upstairs with a little hop, excited to see her puddin.
When she slipped into their private quarters, she found that Joker was up, sitting at his table with diagrams and gadgets spread out before him. He wore only his pants, the suspenders dangling off his waist, and nothing else, which caused Harley's eyes to gaze down his lean muscled back.
She grinned when she saw the scratches she had left on his back, a couple of which had bled a little. They were bright red, mixed with the scars he bore.
The urge to warp her arms around him and lick her way up his spine was almost overpowering, but she fought the urge, knowing that when he was working, sudden and unprovoked attentions would annoy him more than turn him on. She wrinkled her nose and stuck her lip out in a pout.
She could see that he was designing some new diagrams for something or other, she couldn't really make heads or tails of it. She was smart,  just not like Joker with all his schemes. Harley walked over carefully and kissed his shoulder. He didn't respond, but that wasn't unusual.  He was so intent on what he was working on, not even acknowledging that she was in the room.
With a shrug, Harley decided to get out of her “normal” clothes. She stripped, replacing her outfit with tiny black and red super short shorts with property of Joker on the rear in sparkles. She tugged on a t-shirt that read “Killer Quinn” on the front.
After she was dressed more comfortably, she began preparing something to eat for Joker, cutting up some apples, a banana and pouring him a shot of the whiskey while carrying the bag of animal cracker cookies he had asked for that morning. She placed the plate of fruit at his elbow.
He absently reached down to grab a slice of apple and put it in his mouth without ever looking at what he was doing. She smiled. Good!
She set the shot glass down, then filled it before placing the bottle on the other side. Joker never got drunk. She didn't think he really could, but he enjoyed the burn of the whiskey. And she enjoyed the taste of it on his tongue. She set the animal crackers within reach for him, and then tossed herself onto the bed picking up her latest romance book. She raised her feet in the air to rest them against the wall. Before she started to read, she reached over for her Ipod that Joker had stolen for her, covered in eighteen carat white-gold, then enhanced with  430 tiny diamonds . It was untraceable by Bats and so much better than a phone. She turned her music up loudly and started to read, waiting for when her Mistah J was ready to pay attention to her.
The next day Harley had to go out again to pick up some new supplies Joker needed for whatever scheme he had in mind. He hadn't come to bed that night or paid any attention to her, he was so focused.
Harley hated it when he was so focused on a project, because it could be weeks more until he paid attention to her. But that was how he was...and if she was honest, it was one of the things about him she loved, so she didn't say anything.
But she did pout a little.
Today, since Joker was pretty much occupied with his project, she decided to treat herself to a little “girl” shopping while she was out and maybe take herself out to lunch too. Heck, she might even call Red and see if she wanted to chat or something.
Today Harley wore a very flirty sleeveless summer dress, hair in a high pony-tail, and pair of sexy sandals that showed off her legs. She did a little spin in the mirror looking at herself. The dress had a sweetheart neckline that made her breasts looked stunning.
That afternoon when she got out of the car (a different one than yesterday) she knew she was turning heads, which was fine by her...she was all Mistah J's.
She had just finished picking up some sexy underwear that she hoped her lover would enjoying tearing off of her when she turned around and ran into Martin. She slammed right into his broad chest.
“Oh, hey!” He stumbled back, holding a couple of shopping bags looking surprised.  
Harley frowned in surprise. “You live around here or something?”
Martin grinned. “Yeah, actually I do.”
Harley laughed. “Oh, well that makes sense.”
This time she was a little more open to chatting, which made Martin very happy.  He walked around the store with her talking about this or that...
While she was checking out, Martin took a chance.  “Would you like to grab some lunch?”
Harley hesitated, but then, thinking that Mistah J would be jealous if she mentioned having lunch with a “he” instead of a “she” Harley grinned. “Sure—why not?”


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MadloveJokerandHarls's Profile Picture
United States
I write. A lot. Strange Magic, Joker and Harley, Reylo, Original work.


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